For weeks I cried because a huge part of my life was missing. I no longer had my mom to visit, take care of and share everything with. I was as close with my mom as I am with my husband, she's just known me twice as long. I cried because of what I no longer had, not only was my mother gone but so was my most dearest friend in the entire world. I was left with things of hers and everything was attached to memory or event. Trying to decide what to weed out and what to keep was agonizing.
On top of grieving I still had a family who needed me. They lost her too so I had to be strong for them. They missed their Nana who was like a second mom to them. I had to make sure they were ok. That they were not holding it in or letting it consume them. Our world had stopped but everyone else's continued. It was hard going places and doing things after such a tragic loss. It felt wrong to carry on with this big dark cloud over our heads.
As time went on it got easier and easier to get back to normal life. Except Wednesday's. Wednesday was the day I would visit my mom. If she needed anything taken care of that was the day set aside just for her. Bathing, groceries, housekeeping, Doctor visits. I took care of my mom as she once did for me. It was only right, the least I could do for someone who gave me life and sacrificed hers to give me a good one.
When Wednesday rolled around I had to keep myself busy so I didn't get lost on my thoughts and grief. I missed being able to text her about everything. I would pick up my phone to share something with her and realize she's gone. What was the point?
My therapist gave me great advice on that topic. She said to download a journal to my phone and write on it everything I would have shared with my mom. I could include images and even what i thought her reply would be. I did and it's helped tremendously. Now it wasn't so much of a loss, I was still sharing it with her but just in a different way.