I woke up at 4:44 a.m. instantly looking at my phone to see if the hospital called. My heart sank when I saw the missed call. They had called me 30 minutes prior and even though I had made every attempt to make sure I could hear my phone, I still missed it. I listened to the voicemail as the doctor told me the number to reach them. I called and all they asked was if I was able to come to the hospital. On the 5-minute drive I prayed. I prayed that my mom would be at peace. That she was finally free of her ailing body. For the last year she's struggled to breathe. Something that we all take for granted and it was the one thing she wanted the most.
Getting to the hospital the security guard let me through without a question. When I got to the nurses station they all stood up and came to my side. I imagine they were expecting me to crumble as they told me that my mom was no longer living. I smiled and said thank you. Relieved that she was finally free. I had no tears. I knew I would miss my mom and one day it was going to hurt more than anything else I've ever experienced. But today was not that day. Today was a day to rejoice that her battle was over and I was not going to be selfish.
I went into her room and she looked like she was sleeping. I had to touch her to prove to my mind that she wasn't. I talked to her lifeless body as I packed her things and said goodbye for the last time to the woman who brought me into this world.
As always I shifted gears and went into work mode. What needed to be done next? I met with the chaplain at the hospital who gave me all the information on what they would do with my mom and I waited for the next call to come from the funeral home. Thankfully my mom had previously made all the arrangements as to what was to be done upon her passing. Once everything was approved and paid I waited. Once her cremains were returned to me, I waited for the fallout that would surely bring me to my knees