When memory becomes unreliable, families sometimes begin to speak around their elderly relatives as though they are no longer part of the conversation.
Decisions are discussed over their heads. Visitors address the caregiver instead of the parent. Questions are answered before the older person has an opportunity to respond.
It may happen unintentionally. We become so focused on practical needs that we forget the importance of including the person at the centre of our concern.
But a loss of memory does not erase a person's dignity.
Even when a parent cannot remember the name of a visitor, they deserve to be greeted respectfully. Even when they struggle to express an opinion, they should be given time to communicate. Where possible, they should continue to participate in decisions affecting their daily lives.
We must not assume that because they have forgotten something, they understand nothing.
A familiar voice may bring comfort. Music may awaken an emotion connected to an earlier part of life. A favourite piece of clothing may provide reassurance. A gentle touch, offered with sensitivity and respect, may communicate warmth when words are difficult.
The response will differ from person to person. Not every parent will react in the same way, and we should pay attention to what makes each individual comfortable.
The important thing is to see the person, not merely the condition.
Our parents once made room for our childhood fears, our mistakes and our inability to understand the world. They did not always know what we needed, but they learned through experience.
Now, we must learn too.
We must learn to speak more slowly, listen more carefully and recognise that communication is not limited to perfect sentences or accurate memories.
Above all, we must resist the temptation to treat dependence as a loss of worth.
A person does not become less deserving of respect because they need help bathing, dressing, eating or remembering.
Their circumstances may have changed. Their value has not.