My father, Benson Chama Matendeko, was married to Evelyn Mwale. Together they were blessed with nine children—five boys and four girls. I was the fourth child in the family.
Our family story was different from that of most families. My father was a missionary in what is now the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC). He belonged to the Christian Brethren, also known as the Christian Mission in Many Lands (CMML).
Before becoming a missionary, my father worked as a miner and later operated a fishing business in Congo. It was there that he heard the gospel, trusted in the Lord Jesus Christ, and was saved. After receiving missionary training, he was sent to serve in a village called Mpungwe, where he faithfully ministered for many years. In 1986, after about twenty-five years in Congo, he returned to Zambia.
Although both my parents were alive, none of us children grew up with them. Whenever my mother was expecting a child, she would return to Zambia for the birth. Afterward, she would go back to Congo. When a child reached school age, he or she would be brought to Zambia to begin school. As a result, we were raised by relatives rather than by our parents.
Our relatives loved and cared for us well. We never lacked affection or support. Yet we knew our situation was different. While other children enjoyed the daily presence of their parents, ours were serving the Lord in another country.
From an early age, I was taught about God and Satan. I learned that God was holy, righteous, and good, while Satan was God's enemy and the enemy of mankind. I desperately wanted to belong to God.
I was told that I should be a good boy—obey my elders, be kind, avoid stealing, fighting, and wrongdoing. I took those lessons seriously. Whenever I heard Bible stories, I admired those who pleased God and wanted to be like them.
So I tried. I tried to obey God and live a good life. Yet no matter how hard I tried, I kept failing. Sometimes it was through my actions, sometimes through my words, and sometimes through thoughts that no one else could see.
Each failure left me disappointed and confused. If I wanted to be good, why was it so difficult to remain good? If I wanted to belong to God, why did I keep falling short?
Those questions followed me throughout my childhood. At the time, I had no answers. All I knew was that, despite my efforts, I could never achieve the goodness I longed for.