The Night I Almost Lost My Life and Found My Way Back to God
I was sixteen years old, and I was still going from foster home to foster home.
By then, I had begun feeling distant from people and reality.
I felt unloved and unwanted. There was an emptiness in my heart, mind, and soul. It felt like my heart had a hole in it, and the wounds inside me wouldn't heal.
I was always searching for that person who would have my trust and my heart.
I knew God had my heart.
But I couldn't find that same trust and love in the people around me.
In all honesty, I couldn't find that missing piece within my heart. I couldn't find it with those people from the start.
That's where my world began falling apart.
I had spent so much of my childhood looking for someone who would accept me. Someone who would love me for who I am.
As I entered my teenage years, that search continued.
The pain I carried hadn't disappeared. I was still trying to find my place in a world where I often felt that I didn't belong.
And eventually, I began making decisions that would lead me down a dangerous road.
The Night Everything Changed
I was sixteen when drugs and alcohol became part of the path I was taking.
One night, I went to a party.
Afterward, I got into a truck with a friend.
It was a 1974 orange four-wheel-drive pickup.
We were traveling down a gravel and dirt road when everything changed.
We flew over railroad tracks.
A telephone pole broke off.
And the truck ended up underneath a bridge.
It wasn't a large bridge. As I remember it, it was one of those smaller limestone bridges, perhaps around eight feet.
But that didn't make the accident any less serious.
During the crash, I could feel myself rolling inside the cab of the truck.
I'll never forget that feeling.
Even today, when I look back, I can still picture those moments like a movie playing inside my head.
Somewhere during that crash, I went through the windshield.
When everything stopped, I was lying on the embankment beneath the bridge.
My friend was still inside the truck.
He hollered out to see whether I was okay.
I remember the confusion.
Was this a dream?
What had happened?
There was no windshield in the truck, and I was lying on the ground.
But I was alive.
I remember having scratches on my hands, my back, and my forehead. At the time, none of them seemed major.
But the scratch on my forehead left a scar that I still carry today.
I believe God and His angels were with me that night.
I was extremely intoxicated. At the time, I didn't feel the pain that I would experience later.
Looking back, I understand how dangerous the decisions had been.
I had survived an accident that could have taken my life.
And I believe God helped me survive it.
The Morning After
What happened afterward still amazes me.
We managed to drive the four-wheel-drive pickup out of the ditch and return to the farm.
My friend worked as a farmhand for the farmer.
After we returned, he got into his own car and drove home.
He later called my foster parents and told them about the accident.
I hadn't told them what happened.
And I didn't go to the hospital.
When I think about that today, I realize how serious that was. I had gone through a windshield in a truck accident without receiving medical attention.
The next morning, my foster parents woke me up.
They were extremely upset.
They were screaming about the accident and the fact that I hadn't told them.
I was still intoxicated, and their screaming added to the emotional stress I was experiencing.
Eventually, as I sobered up, I developed a tremendous migraine headache.
The aftermath of the accident was beginning to catch up with me.
There was so much going through my mind.
I knew there would be repercussions for the actions I had taken, the decisions I had made, and the problems I had caused.
I couldn't change what happened the night before.
I couldn't undo the decisions that led me into that truck.
And I couldn't pretend those decisions didn't have consequences.
But the accident wasn't the only painful experience I would carry from that time.
The Scar That Stayed With Me
I remember those foster parents on the farm very clearly.
This was a different farm and a different barn from the farmhouse where I had experienced trauma earlier in my childhood.
My foster father was an alcoholic.
And I remember what happened in the tractor shed after the accident.
He beat me so badly that the experience left a scar on my life.
I had survived a terrifying accident.
Then I experienced violence from someone who was supposed to care for me.
I had made dangerous decisions, and I knew those decisions had consequences.
But being beaten was not something I deserved.
That experience became another painful memory in a life already filled with wounds.
And yet, through everything I experienced, I began learning something about the direction my life was taking.
Actions, Reactions, and Decisions
I learned one thing.
There are always actions and reactions to the decisions we make in life.
Choose your words wisely.
Understand what's right and what's wrong.
And always remember that life isn't fair.
The decisions you make could end up costing you your life.
That accident could have been the end of my story at sixteen.
There might never have been another chapter.
No opportunity to grow older.
No opportunity to learn from what happened.
No opportunity to discover what my life could become.
But I survived.
And I began looking at my relationship with God differently.
Finding My Center
When I say God came back into my life, I don't mean He had ever abandoned me.
I believe God was with me from the beginning.
But I had decided to take my own path.
As a child and as a teenager, I couldn't handle all the pain inside me.
So I exercised my free will.
I wanted to do things my way.
I stopped trusting in God and trusting in His heart.
Looking back, I understand that part of my journey differently now.
I would describe it like learning how to hula-hoop.
When you first start, everything feels unbalanced.
You struggle to keep the hoop moving.
You try to control it, but you haven't found your center.
That's how I came to understand my own free will.
When I tried to control everything myself, my life felt unbalanced.
But when I learned to become balanced and centered through God's will, I began to see another direction.
I believed He could restore my life.
And make me feel real.
For me, that meant learning to give up my need for control.
My image.
My fear.
My anxiety.
My worries.
Instead of trying to carry everything alone, I wanted to give those burdens to the Lord.
To trust in Him.
To trust in His heart.
And to give myself a chance to move forward on this journey with the Lord.
That didn't mean my past had disappeared.
The foster homes were still part of my life.
The accident had happened.
The painful memories remained.
But I could begin choosing a different direction for my future.
God's Roadmap
If I could stand beside that sixteen-year-old boy today, knowing everything I've experienced throughout my life, I would tell him something important.
There are a lot of roadmaps out there.
And there are a lot of people who will give you directions.
Some will tell you to go here.
Others will tell you to go there.
They'll tell you they have the best solution for your life.
But sometimes those people don't even know you.
And in all honesty, sometimes you don't know yourself.
I learned throughout my life that there are many different roads we can travel.
Some lead us into challenges.
Some lead us into victories.
And some teach us lessons we never expected to learn.
But sometimes, you have to choose one roadmap.
And for me, that's God's roadmap.
The roadmap that can take you to places you never dreamed about.
Through challenges.
Through victories.
And toward a future you couldn't have imagined when you were sixteen years old, lying beneath a bridge after a terrible accident.
I survived that night.
And I believe God gave me another chance to continue my journey.
My life wasn't over.
There were still roads ahead of me.
Still lessons to learn.
Still people I had yet to meet.
And still a purpose I had yet to discover.
Because sometimes, the road that nearly takes your life becomes the road that teaches you how much your life is worth.
And my journey was far from over.