I walk my path with self-doubt, continually to let others put me down. I wake up every day with dread feeling I'm not good enough. I despise to look at myself in the mirror as it brings me to tears of how I look. I was slim many years ago.
I felt ill and did not understand why my lack of energy was draining me mentally and physically. Bringing up my children while working, I thought that must be why, even my doctors couldn't give me a good enough reason. Excuses without examination and test, "it's your asthma have steroids, might be an infection have antibiotics." Days became weeks and then months of feeling tired.
I rest on my comfortable sofa in-between school runs and work, no housework would be complete before everyone was home. Constant moaning and groaning and unease comments I hear from them all. "Mum has been resting again dad." "Again, can't she get off her fat arse and finish the housework."
A tear falls down my cheek as I reply, " I don't feel well, I feel drained and achy." My husband's response " you always feel ill, go to the doctors." I snap "I have been to the doctors for the last few months; I keep receiving steroids and antibiotics. It's not working." They huff and puff and reject my explanation.
One peaceful evening the children lay in their beds, my husband sat opposite me watching the tv, I felt bloated, a sharp pain below my belly button. I stood from the sofa, gush of blood fell to my feet, it felt like I had waters breaking from going into labour, I broke down in tears, my husbands shocked face gazing up at me and looking down at the puddle of my blood.