Ever since I'm a kid I have loved imagining a lot of things. Fairies, mermaids, giants, witches, sometimes I even imagine having my own superpower and being in the world where I can do everything I want. I miss my childhood days to be honest, cause growing up is really hard and you don't enjoy things or feel interested in the world anymore. Well, I don't know if it's just me but that's how I see it. Sometimes when I think about my younger self, I regret not doing a lot of things and not enjoying those moments.
But then the past is the past and we only have to live with the life we have today. Just enjoy it and embrace it. As they say we only live once. And my escape to reality is lucid dreams. They say dreams happen and it reflects our unconscious thoughts, desires, and emotions. And it brings the surface issues and feelings that we might not be fully aware of.
Dreams are a mystery. We don't fully understand how it happens but maybe it really does reflect our unconscious thoughts. I remember having dreams of getting married not once but twice. I know both guys in real life; they're both my crush. One is a long-time crush. I don't know why, but I have had a crush on this guy for like 10 years. He was my classmate in elementary school, he was a transfer student, and we started not really getting along since he always gets the attention of a lot of people since he came from the city, which I hate since I'm an attention seeker at that time but eventually we became a bit close since my cousins became his friend but we still fight though. I'm not sure if he's aware of my feelings but maybe he knows. Since a lot of people know I had a crush on him, my friends, my teacher, even his cousin. Sometimes I thought, "What if I confess my crush on him personally that time before we graduate?" Maybe things are different? But what is the difference? Is it possible that just maybe he also had a hidden crush on me?
The second guy is my other crush and my friend's boyfriend. We met long ago when we were kids. He was the nephew of my aunt's husband. And I got fascinated by his looks. He's a kind, gentle man, and a good singer. Now that I think about it, I started having a crush on him after hearing him sing a song that is typically dedicated to a girl you like which even if it's not for me, I felt weird, weird like I'm loving it. That's the start of me having a crush on him. And by the time I graduated elementary and started high school I stayed at my aunt's house. Then my crush on him grew since a lot of people say we look good together and everyone always teases us, even his parents want us together. Well, I don't know why because, yeah, we go to the same school together and it's like we are together the whole day but barely talk cause I'm a quiet person that's just my personality.
I even became a bridge for my high school friend and my crush to end up dating. I feel kind of jealous and I don't know if it's just me being delusional or crazy, but I feel like we had a connection where we both know we like each other but we just don't know how to approach each other. Maybe I'm just delusional but I still feel that feeling whenever we see each other.