Sam yawned and stared at the sleeping Caitlyn. His face might not be showing any emotions but inside everything was in turmoil. His mind was counting… 29 more days before her 6th year death anniversary. He needed to find a way to reverse the curse or to cheat it, doesn't really matter. Was he willing to do the unthinkable? He wondered. Was he willing to go through the same curse for another 6 years just so he can have another go at it? Was he willing to risk being a dark witch? Was it even possible? All of the past dark witches still had their powers even after they made the deal, he, on the other hand, didn't. Would the dark witch allow him to go through this again? Maybe he can make a deal? Of course he understood what Mitch was saying, of course he knew the risk. But in the deepest part of his heart he didn't really care as long as he got Caitlyn back again.
He could almost hear his family telling him not to go through with it, to consider what he was doing. He needed to talk to someone, someone he could trust. Someone who would listen without prejudice and of course he knew who that someone was. He needed to go to Brianne tonight. For the nth time, he wondered if he was being selfish. If Caitlyn knew what was happening, would she really want to be resurrected over and over again? He saw movement out of the corner of his eye and watched as Caitlyn woke up. He longed, as he always did, to just go to her and touch her but all he could really do is cuddle beside her as a cat would and that's exactly what he did.
"You're such a sweetheart, Lancelot," Caitlyn smiled then scratched her cat's head under those thick fur. She got up then, put on a robe and went to the window to watch the city come alive in front of her eyes. For the past 6 years she'd been feeling this itch, this emptiness inside of her that she just could not fill. She could not quite explain it but no matter what she did, no matter how successful she became, no matter who she dated, she just could not get the feeling of emptiness out of her heart. It was like she was living a life that she shouldn't be living, like she was just drifting and not really living. It was stupid, she knew that. But even knowing it didn't really change anything.
She watched as thunder started in the horizon. The weather forecast did say that it was going to rain. She was becoming impatient. It literally felt like something was missing in her life but she just could not identify it. Sometimes it felt like she should be doing something else, that she shouldn't be living the life that she was living right now. It felt like her life was forced somehow, like she should've already went somewhere else but was being forced to live the life that she had right now. At night, there were moments when she dreamed that she was living a different life altogether. And in that life, she was always with someone. Someone she just could not see. But she knew she was happy. Sometimes she also dreamed of feeling calm and peaceful and dreamed about seeing a very bright light. She was also happy there but then for some reason that dream always ended in darkness then she wakes up to the same predictable, restless life that she was living now.
She sighed. "Lancelot, maybe I'm going crazy," she laughed at herself. "I'm in this perfect world and I keep trying to search for something." And it wasn't just that. The feeling of getting lost, of loneliness, seems to have gotten stronger this year. Particularly this month. She sighed again and thought about her looming promotion. Maybe it was just stress from work. She pressed her fingers against her eyes and shook her head. There was really no point in thinking about it, it's not like anything would change in the next few months. She scratched Lancelot's head one last time and muttered to her cat, "it's just one of those days, I guess," then went to the shower to start her day.
Sam looked at Caitlyn as she went to take a bath. He couldn't help but notice the sadness he saw in her eyes as she was looking out the window. It wasn't the first time that he noticed it but it also wasn't a constant thing that he saw in her everyday. It was an occasional sadness. He wondered, not for the first time, what she was thinking about. He longed to ask her. The past flashed through his mind. The time when they would talk about anything that crossed her mind. There were times when he wanted to go back and punch himself in the face for those times when he knew he was just nodding so she would see a response but he wasn't really listening. Regret always comes in the end.
He jumped up to the windowsill and looked out at the city and wondered again what Caitlyn was thinking of. It was like that time a year ago when for no apparent reason she just started crying after looking out the window. His eyes widened at that. A year ago… it was a year ago when it started. Could what she was feeling have something to do with the curse nearing its end? He looked back at the bathroom. Tonight. He had to go back to Brie tonight. If there is a God, please hear me and let Brie find something that would help. But before he went back he had to send her a message so she can start looking already. Once Caitlyn leaves, he'll drop his message in the bottle. He chuckled a little at the pun. It was Brie's idea actually, since he couldn't use magic, she gave him a magic bottle. Whatever message he dropped in that bottle would be sent to her bottle and she would see the message. Sort of like an old school text messaging system. He heard the shower stop, saw Caitlyn get ready for the day, heard her "goodbye Lancelot" then watched her go out of the apartment.
As soon as she was out, he changed. That was the only magic remaining to him, if he willed it, he could change from cat to human to cat. It was a tease actually. He could change into a human anytime, talk to Caitlyn anytime, touch her anytime, but if she sees him, she dies. It was torture. Anyway, nothing he could do about it now. He wrote his note, dropped it in the bottle, and prayed to God that Brie could find an answer, a way out, an alternative….
As soon as he appeared in Brie's living room, he heard her grumble. Manuscripts were all over the place. He had to wince a little just thinking about the age of those manuscripts and how careless she was with them. "This is bullshit!" he heard her say. If frustration was something tangible, he would already be flat on his back with the amount of frustration radiating out of Brie.
"What's wrong?" he was almost afraid to ask.
"Everything! I've combed through all of these manuscripts and it's all telling me the same thing…that there is absolutely no way to reverse this. Even those who cast it won't be able to reverse what's already casted," she sighed. "I'm sorry Sam," she said, as she turned around to face him, frustratingly combing her hand through her hair. "I tried as much as I can to find your answer, but there's absolutely nothing. I hate to say it but maybe this is nature's way of saying fate always catches up to us and maybe it's fate that it was she who got hit at that time rather than you."
Sam could only stare. "How could you say that?" He whispered. "How could you even think that!" He shouted angrily. "You have no idea how I feel, no idea of the torture I've had to live through! If you're just going to stand there, give up and tell me that this is fate? That's bullshit, and maybe you shouldn't be helping me at all!" He turned around and walked angrily out of Brie's house. He ran as fast as his feet could take him, into the forest, passed the old family cottage and towards the stream. He ran until he could run no more, his feet buckling under him from exhaustion and tears streaming down his face in defeat.. in frustration.. in fear.. and in pain.
Brie appeared, as if magic, right beside him in the middle of the meadows, and laid her hands on his shoulder. In his weakness, he leaned towards her and laid his head on her shoulder. Cried as if he has never cried before. It's as if a dam has been opened. 6 years of pent up emotions and pain just gushing out of his heart and pouring out of his eyes and there was no way of stopping it. With nothing else to do, Brie just sat with him, stroked his hair and silently shushed hoping that once this is over, he would feel a little bit better.. a little been human again..
It felt like an eternity but eventually the tears ended. He wished that the pain could end with the tears but it just lingered. He sighed, it seemed like he's been doing that a lot lately. "I'm sorry for what I said, I didn't mean it," he whispered.
Brie laughed, "you know you did. You meant it at the time you said it, but I get it." She continued to stroke his hair, comforting him.
He smiled. "Yeah, I guess."
"It doesn't mean that what I said was a lie though. You know I never gave up, but there's just nothing that would allow the both of you to live in the way that you want. And there's just nothing to reverse what has already been casted." She lay down in the grass as well, looking up at the night sky. "And I keep thinking that maybe that's just how it should be. There must be a reason why we live by a certain law, why despite all of the magic that we have, we just cannot defy the laws of nature. Maybe that's just it. What God has taken no amount of magic should ever be used to reverse it. A balance needs to be maintained, nature requires it."
"Yeah.." he murmured thoughtfully, an idea starting to form in his mind. "Maybe. Nature needs a way to balance things, you're right. A life for a life, maybe a life was created that's why a life was taken, but we forced our will on nature and returned the life back.. and now the scale is unbalanced." He turned to his back and looked up at the night sky with Brie. "A life for a life" he murmured.
Author's Note: Thank you so much for reading my story! I try to post every Monday (UTC+8 timezone). I'm also thinking of making this story a series.. still thinking about series name, any thoughts? :) Lot's of story to explore here, we have Brie and also what happened to Adrianna anyway? :) Let me know what you think of a 3 part series for this story. :)