I don't know what was going on. All I know is that I saw my boyfriend having sex with my cousin's fiancé. They continued having sex as if I weren't even in the room. I couldn't move. I couldn't find the strength to attack them, to slap my cousin's fiancé's face and tell them I was there. Instead of standing there, I sat, poured myself a glass of wine, and watched them have sex.
"Oh! F*ck, for God's sake." As they continue whining.
I rolled my eyes at what she said to my boyfriend.
"Don't you dare mention God's name! It's because you're having a good time with my boyfriend."
Of course, I didn't say it aloud; it was just a thought. My boyfriend and I have been together since my first year of college. We had been in a long-distance relationship for more than four years, and we started living together after I graduated and found a job. At first, everything seemed to be perfect until I got pregnant and had a miscarriage. Yes, you heard right. I lost my child, and it wasn't intentional, hindi ko nga alam na buntis ako ng time na iyon.
"F*ck so tight, ugh!" Then he moved as fast as he could.
After the miscarriage, everything changed. He would leave the house every night to go to the bar and drink with his friends. Before, when I got home from my shift, there would be food on the table, covered to keep the flies away. Before, he would always wake up first in the morning to cook breakfast and prepare my milk, tapos dadalhin sa kwarto para doon ako kumain. But now? All I saw was my naked boyfriend standing before me, with a ghostly expression on his face.
"Anong mukha yan? Para ka naman nakakita ng multo" while I was picking up his clothes from the floor.
"A-ate?" My cousin's fiancé was shocked to see me.
"Baka gusto mo magshower?" pagtatanong ko sa fiancé ng pinsan ko.
She immediately ran to the bathroom, and I turned my back to him. He grabbed my wrist and hugged me from behind.
"I-I'm sorry." He hugged me tighter and tried to hide his face in my neck.
Before, when I saw them having sex, I felt no anger. Now, all I want to do is hurt him - slap him, kick him, pull his hair - until he kneels and begs for forgiveness.
"Hindi ko sadya. Lasi - "
I slapped him so hard that my hands were numb from the force. But then I wasn't contented sa isang sampal na binigay ko. I slapped him repeatedly in the face, and he just stood there while taking each blow.
"Hindi mo sadya?!" I shouted.
"Hindi mo sadya?! Huh! Kasi lasing ka? At ano? Hindi mo alam ang ginagawa mo?!" sabay tapon ng lamp shades na nasa side table ng bed namin.
"It was her - as he tried to reach out to me for a hug.
I slapped him hard again. "It was her ano?! It was she who seduced you! Bullsh*t!" He tried desperately to hug me.
"Keep your hands off me." I turn my back and wipe my tears.
"Pack your things and leave." And then I turned around and looked at him.
"Babe, please, no, no, no," he knelt, pleading, "Let's fix this. I'm begging you."
"Ayusin? Gusto mo pala na maging maayos tayo, pero bakit mo parin inulit? Huh!?"
Tears streamed down my face. "Lahat naman binigay ko sayo! Ano pa ba ang kulang para magawa mo sa akin to!?"
"I've changed, please believe me," he said, tears falling.
"Pack your things and leave," I said without looking into his eyes.
He slowly took his things from inside the cabinet we shared. As he was taking his things, I couldn't help but cry, especially after what I had seen earlier. It was so disheartening, they did that very thing inside the house we both worked hard to buy.
"Buong buhay ko, wala akong ibang ginawa kundi ang mahalin at magpakatotoo sa iyo. Pero lahat ng 'yun ay parang balewala lang sayo."
"Minahal mo ba talaga ako o minahal mo lang ako dahil ako ang nandito?" Paulit-ulit na pumapasok sa isipan ko ang tanong na 'yan.
"Minahal kita syempre, alam mo yan." He slowly knelt down from where he was standing.
"Pero bakit mo ginawa sa akin to?" Looking at him, kneeling by the cabinet.
When I got no answer from him, I stood up and walked towards him. Then I bent down and grabbed his collar, and tears fell, which broke my heart.
"P-patawarin mo'ko. K-kung na p-pagsilbihan kita araw-araw, a-alilain mo'ko ayos lang, gagawin ko. W-wag mo lang palayasin at iwan, l-love. P-please!" Pahikbi-hikbi siyang nagmamakaawa sa akin tas akmang hahalikan ang mga paa ko.
"Patawarin mo ako! Ilang beses ko na kayong p-pinatawad, Love! H-hindi lang i-isa! Kundi tatlong beses!" sigaw ko, naupo ng dahan-dahan dahil ko kaya pa, "T-tatlong beses na kita pinatawad, Love." Iyak ako ng iyak.
Hinawakan niya ang paa ko at dahan-dahan siyang gumapang palapit sa akin. Pero imbes na hayaan ko siya, pilit kong inaalis ang pagkakahawak niya sa paa ko.
"Don't touch me with your filthy hands," I threatened him, slowly standing up from where I was sitting on the floor. "Umalis ka na, please. Tama na ang pananakit mo sa akin. Parang awa mo na." Pagmamakaawa ko sa kaniyang harapan.
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"You know what?" I said before he could get out of the room.
"For almost eight and a half months, it's only now I realize you never made me happy, and now, to tell you the truth. I'm so much happier now that we've split up, and I think I should give you credit for that one. Thank you for tearing me apart. Thank you for making me realize that our relationship was a waste of time. And thank you for making me realize that our happily ever after wasn't true. Thank you. Goodbye."