7th of Gremlin's Grin
Today I visited the one person who might understand the ancient elbow affliction tormenting me: Grilda the Witch, last seen aggressively whispering into a scarecrow's ear at the Midwinter Banquet.
She lives in a pit now.
Because apparently retirement is a literal drop in status.
The journey there was heroic, except for the part where I fell into the pit and dislocated a level of dignity I didn't know I had. The air smelled like scorched mint and trauma. Grilda was hovering mid-air in a fog of old curses and soup vapor, grinning like someone who had cursed at least three monarchs before breakfast.
I explained my situation, very calmly, as I foamed slightly from the elbow.
She looked me up and down like I was a moldy crouton in her psychic salad and told me my elbow wasn't cursed - it was "soul-itching."
Which is worse.
Apparently, the itch is metaphorical. Existential. Philosophical. Possibly fungal.
She gave me a potion called the Potion of Maybe, which, according to her, works "sometimes" and "never twice in the same way." Instructions were vague and included "don't cry while drinking" and "avoid thinking about ducks."
Naturally, I drank it immediately.
It tasted like grape-flavored betrayal. Then my vision folded inside out, and I passed out. Possibly into another timeline. Hard to say.
When I woke up, my shadow had eyebrows and was making very poor life decisions on my behalf.
It waved. I did not wave back. It waved harder. I threatened it with a sharp look. It suggested we enter a Death Tournament.
A Death Tournament.
I wanted to scratch my elbow.
Now I'm fighting twelve enchanted gladiators and a sentient frying pan for a wish.
I do not remember agreeing to this, but apparently my shadow forged my signature while I was having a potion-based existential meltdown.
It even designed a logo.
It's a chicken riding a lightning bolt.
I don't hate it.
Now I must begin combat training, soul-centering, and emotional distancing from my own left arm. It's been twitching suspiciously. Possibly unionizing.
This is fine.