The reason my mother's death left such a hole is because as far back as I can remember she had been my dearest friend. I confided everything to my mother. Probably more than she wished I did. She was the one I turned to when I needed help, advice, and comfort. After I moved out I would call her half a dozen times a day and sometimes we wouldn't even talk. Just knowing she was on the other end was all I needed. We'd play cards and Yahtzee, go shopping or out to eat like best friends. She was the only visitor in the court room when I got married and the first to see both my children after birth.
We had a special bond that went beyond normal mother and daughter. She was a soulmate of sorts. Not in the romantic way but someone you knew you were bonded with in life for a reason. Every good thing about me came from my mother. When people say "you're just like your mother", I accept that as a badge of honor. No one on Earth can ever compare to my mother. She was strong, kind, funny, selfless, and one of a kind. Thinking back on the 42 years I shared with my mom brings me so much joy. I was grateful to be able to thank her the day before she passed, for being such a great mom to me. My only hope in life is to be the kind of mother to my children that she was to me.
I'll end my story with a poem I wrote soon after her passing. It explains her so well.
This Is Me
My mom was always a happy person.
Kind and gentle, willing to help others before being asked.
That spirit she passed down to me.
I imagine she inherited it from her mother who inherited it from her mother and so on.
That spirit, while she was living, has given me grief.
People just don't seem to understand kindness in others.
They get upset or give you dirty looks when you're helpful for no reason.
Now with my mother gone I am determined to look at it in a whole new light.
It was her spirit, her badge that she proudly wore.
I will hold that spirit within me, passing it to my own daughter, and I will be blessed thinking of my mom every time it makes itself known.
That was my mother.
This is me.