Just the form of an eye. I'm like, but it seemed as if his presence was somewhat throughout all of hell. Obviously, he can manifest himself as he wishes, as he pleases. So I'm like, yo, what's going on? I'm like, jeez, I'm even more scared. I'm saying, "Jeez, jeez, even more now."
Jeez, jeez, even more now. Oh my God. This is Lucifer. And it was in that moment that, boom, I immediately woke up. So I didn't have any - I didn't, you know - I didn't have any... there was no light. There was no bright shining light that came and got me. I didn't see Jesus. None of those things happened. All I experienced was exactly what I just told you. And, you know, I woke up in such fear.
Even as I woke up, I still felt like I could feel the heat on the top of my head, the heat from being above, whether that was a lake of fire on top of me. I don't know, but I could still feel the heat. So I woke up, and I was still pretty much, like... I still felt the same terror I felt when I was there. Now, mind you, everyone may have scary dreams.
And if you have a scary dream or something, you wake up and your level of fear is still pretty much similar to what you felt when you were scared. It's high for that moment, a couple of seconds, then it goes back down. Right?
But even for me, even now, as I came back into waking up, the terror and the feeling of heat... and the terror that I had wasn't even going away. Meaning, it wasn't at the same high level, but as it was going away, it was going away at a slower pace. You understand what I'm saying?
Does that make sense? Like, it was going away slower than if somebody scared me and I quickly came down and was like, okay, that was you, I'm not scared anymore. This was different. This is entirely different. I could almost still feel, even now, two days later, I could almost still feel the terror of being there. And it's hard to describe that because when you say terror, people here with our senses will only equate terror to maybe what we see. Right? Maybe we see something that makes us terrified. Or you're in a movie, and something is going on, that's terrifying.
Terror is a sense that is induced, and it can rise or fall. But I was still feeling the terror of it being at a high level and not going away. And it was coming down slowly. I was still frantic. I was scared. I was still feeling the heat. You know, immediately, I ran over to my wife, and I had to wake her up and tell her, like, "Yo, I just had the worst nightmare, or whatever. I had the worst nightmare." I'm still kind of disoriented because I'm not really sure if I'm really out. Being there and understanding the concept of eternity, I couldn't get out.
And that's another thing I want to touch on. Remember, again, the reason why I seem like I'm describing this out of sequence is because it all happened simultaneously. So, remember I said that I had the knowledge? Even though I'm not saying, "Oh, I'm here for eternity," I didn't have to say that to myself. Everyone had the knowledge that you could not get out.
Well, at least I did. I knew and I understood I could not get out. And not only that I couldn't get out, but that I was here forever. I understood that this was... I am absent of time, and this place goes on forever. Forever. And I understood that.
And I think that was a part of the fear. It was a part of the terror. All this stuff that I had knowledge of, instantly, I'm completely all-knowing. I know it all. Even though I'm questioning all the things that I know to be true, it's the same way we know I'm breathing air because oxygen goes so long. We know, you know, we know we learn common things here, the natural laws on this earth. We know it. We just know it because we know it, either because it's explained to us, or we just know it to be true.
So it's the same exact way. I just knew that this was... I was here forever. I was stuck here forever. I couldn't get out. And what was going on was being controlled. And that was the worst part about it.
That was the worst part about the entire experience. The worst part. The worst part was the lack of hope, and that nobody could interact with anyone else. Nobody. There's even comfort in being in an oppressive state. Good example. I'm being real. Me being a Black person, there's comfort in feeling like or knowing that you're going through racial disparities or racial discrimination or biases and that you're enduring it amongst a group. There's a certain level of comfort in that, feeling and knowing that everyone is enduring it with you.
Or if you're in jail, even people in jail have a comfort that they're not the only ones in jail. Even if they're in solitude, they understand that there are other people there, and they know this is something others are enduring with them. But you're not even given simple comforts like that. You don't even... it's not that you don't care, it's... there's no element of comfort in that realm.
You don't even feel comfort. Comfort is absent. So, there's no... there's no recognition of, "Oh, look at how many people are here, we're all going through it." It's impossible. There can't be a party in hell, because even though you're in hell with millions upon trillions of people, you feel as lonely as if you're the only one there. And that's hard to explain. You feel like you're the only one there. That's exactly how it was.
So, absent comfort, absent comfort... no interaction. Everything that appears to be even slightly good is not there at all. This is horrifying. And mind you, again, like I'm saying, it's not because I had the knowledge of all these things that I was horrified. Horror and terror were part of the environment. They were part of the environment.