I was born in a small village in Deorhia, under the Rajpur police station in Buxar, Bihar. My childhood was shaped by the rural environment, where education was often overshadowed by hardship. My first experience with learning was under a village teacher who, instead of nurturing curiosity, instilled fear in me. He would beat and scold us more than he would teach. For my parents, this was normal - they had grown up in the same environment.
I went to the local high school, but I had little understanding of what education truly meant. There were Sanskrit books at home, and I read them out of curiosity, not knowing that knowledge had depth beyond mere words. Then, one day, my father decided to enroll me in a private school in Rajpur. Every day, I traveled by bus to reach school, but I was still unaware of the real value of education. Science, mathematics, English, social sciences - these were just subjects I studied without any deep comprehension. I didn't understand the significance of time, learning, or self-improvement.
Later, we shifted to a village in Patna, where I was admitted to a government school in the fourth grade. I carried my books in a cloth bag, but understanding lessons, especially in English, was a struggle. I regret now that instead of aimlessly studying, I could have focused on Sanskrit chants, agricultural practices, or practical skills like tree planting - things that would have helped me in life. Even when I reached the sixth and seventh grades, people around me spoke about the importance of knowledge, but I couldn't grasp its true essence. It was just words to me.
Some relatives suggested that I should be sent to a hostel for better studies. So, my father enrolled me and my brother in a residential hostel that prepared students for entrance exams to military and Navodaya schools. I worked hard but failed to get into Sainik School Tilaiya. Defeated, I returned home and joined a government high school in Naubatpur, Patna.
When I completed my 10th board exams, I had put in significant effort, hoping to score above 85%. But fate had other plans - I got 74.74%. This was my first major realization: hard work alone is not enough; luck and strategy also matter. Disheartened but determined, I chose the science stream - Physics, Chemistry, Mathematics, Biology, English, and Hindi. This was the turning point. Until now, everything had been a preparation; now, the real journey of life had begun.
I needed to balance two paths - preparing for competitive exams and scoring well in my board exams. If a student is not guided properly at this stage, they will struggle to manage both. I, too, faltered. I failed in my concentration, my goals, and in gaining my parents' trust. My biggest failure was that my parents believed my focus had shifted because of a girl. In the end, I lost everything, their faith, my confidence, and even my direction.
I eventually got admission to engineering, agriculture, and medical courses. But due to family pressure and circumstances, I chose engineering. This marked the beginning of a series of failures. I struggled in engineering, failed in relationships, and lost my focus. In my fifth semester, I got engaged, and by my final year in 2010, I was married. Marriage brought new challenges, and soon, I felt trapped in a life I wasn't prepared for.
After my engineering degree, I moved to Ranchi and started working as a Senior Research Fellow (SRF) in a BARC project at Birsa Agriculture University. I worked diligently and received appreciation, recommendations, and an experience certificate. But deep inside, I was restless. I wanted a government job. I appeared for multiple exams and got selected as a Laboratory Attendant in the Central University of Jharkhand. I had also qualified for the Senior Technical Assistant post, but fate played another cruel joke - the university canceled the vacancy. Another failure.
Despite this setback, I kept working hard. But no one in the department believed me. People assumed I had secured the job through bribery. I stayed silent and continued my work. Between 2017 and 2019, I struggled to get admission to a PhD program. Every professor I approached rejected me. For three years, I knocked on doors, only to be turned away.
Finally, in 2019, I appeared for the PhD entrance test at Ranchi University and was the only student to qualify. In February 2020, I enrolled. Soon after, my father had to undergo spine surgery in Delhi. I went with him, and on March 23, 2020, as the pandemic struck, India went into lockdown. I returned alone to Ranchi, facing uncertainty and struggle.
Even after getting admitted, I faced obstacles in registering for my PhD. No professor was ready to guide me. Finally, with the help of a professor from the Central University of Jharkhand, I met my current supervisor. She agreed to enroll me, but for months, my registration was stalled. Then, suddenly, during the pandemic, I was informed about an online coursework program. I enrolled, completed it, and passed with first-class marks. On August 13, 2021, I finally registered my PhD under the title 'Material Science Chemistry.'
During this time, I appeared for multiple job exams - NIT Patna, Central University, and others. I cleared several stages, scoring the highest marks, but vacancies were either canceled or re-advertised under reserved categories. Another failure.
Since 2018, I have been working as a Laboratory Attendant. It is painful to say that despite all my education and efforts, I am stuck in a job that does not reflect my abilities. But my biggest suffering comes from my personal life. My wife never supported me, never trusted me. She turned my family against me. My father and brothers blamed me for everything. When fights escalated, my parents took my children away to Patna, taking away my right to educate them.
This was the most painful moment of my life. Just when I finally understood the value of knowledge, I lost my chance to teach my own kids.
Today, my PhD is progressing, but I am struggling to submit my thesis due to university politics and my guide's indifference. I feel like the most failed man in this world - a man who never got a stable job, never found support from his wife, and never received appreciation from his parents. In my department, I am treated as if I am worthless.
Sometimes, I wonder if my past mistakes are punishing me. I pray to God to forgive me and guide me toward something better. I remind myself that life is a single opportunity, and despite all my failures, I must keep working - for myself, for society, for those in need.
Even after all this, I am not afraid. I will rise again. I will fight back. I will overcome my failures.
Thank you for reading my story. I will update with advancement of life in my next story.