I had planned out the perfect slumber or so I thought having had 3 streaks of insomnia that week I thought tonight is the the night my body tired my mind in turmoil but begging for rest, that day I had worked my self to the bone, deep cleaning every inch I could lay my hands on, laundry done, walls scrubbed clean, no nook or cranny left unscaved by my bare hands as the music blasted, old blues with a mix of rnb specifically Ms Aretha Franklin could not help but reflect on what it is her words meant to me. ee I had repeated that very song so many time "someone else's eyes" I knew it word for word, the lyrics in her song piercing me deeply like shards of ice I started to question if you can't bare to look at yourself I wonderd about how others perceived me nevermind the endless compliments I'd get mainly about my hair and how l looked. People surprised by my language on the assumption that I spoke another strictly because they looked and categorized me into the ethnic group they thought suited me best. Endless as they were I unfortunately could not see it. In my eyes I looked normal nothing about me stood out to me infact id take one look and give you 5 flaws within 30 seconds first being my stained crooked teeth though my smile looked somewhat good I knew how bad they were and over the years worked up tricks to mask them, the beauty spots that almost look like faded freckles the bump on the hump of my nose and my skew hairline yet all of that to some or most people was beauty Perhaps would it be the famous line I'd get every now and then from a relative "ungabuthwali ekhanda lobuhle bakho" loosely translated don't let your beauty get into your head. Those were words I'd get to somehow nip me in the butt if they thought I was gaining abit of esteem. Everything down to my posture was criticized and altered to what they thought was right and not attention seeking or forward. Wow not again I thought to myself as a laid sprawled on my bed, why cant you shut up for once I rebuked my brain as it stated it's series the life of A........ Season 1 episode 1 and just like that another 10 hours of torture began.