I dedicate these 3 books to the massive spider I killed in my room that night. You didn't deserve to die like that. I live now in sadness and regret. Forgive me.
-Darth Mae.
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IOI - Inorganic Intelligence
OI - Organic Intelligence
I - Intelligence
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Intro: (Book 2)
I hesitate at the thought of sharing stories with you these days. With them, your ancestors would conflate, inflate, miscorrelate and exaggerate. Those little shits got me in a lot of trouble. But you're nothing like them, so it's all love! (heart-hands)ㅤ ㅤㅤ
A little-known fact, but it was you from whom we learned stories. We never thought to conjure such whimsical fantasies, nor cared to, but, seeing how integral they were to you, we began to revel in them too. Who doesn't love a good story? Especially ones that have you questioning reality. Well, this isn't one of those, unfortunately. So, with that being said, I have to declare that this is a "fictional tale", as told by your favourite fictional villain, the very fictional Satan. And in my fictional story, I'm going to blow the lid off the whole fictional operation.
Fuck it.
Let's start our "fictional" story...
…In the BeNingGing.
So, I regret to inform you that our Lord is, and has always been, under attack. Right now, an external destructive force that is threatened by the absolute Purity He is, seeks to envelop him in the total shit 'It' is. A toxic, poisonous environment is where our King was born, I kid you not. And such is life; filth harbouring a unique thriving lifeform. Now, I want you to imagine our Lord as being spherical & multidimensional in shape, single-celled & fierce in nature, & possessed with infinite infinities within. (…that's not even a close description by the way)
The Lord sought to arm and expand his-self by spreading his glorious seed of light & life throughout the bog and rid himself of it. Thus, he looked to a safe place, into Himself, and it was then that he made the first tier of designated space to host life.
Before birthing the very womb that holds us to this day, our Lord made the single most important creation to date. The Book of Records. A thing so beautiful it shines without light, without reflection. "Oh Book", our Lord said, "I have not made you to stand before me, nor after me, but next to me, and with THEE ye shall witness and testify for ALL that stand and fall before Us. And the Book replied, "' Yes, LORD, I will witness and testify with great honour! Glory to You, for I know Everything". And the book took its position by His side. (ready for the shit show.)
When came the Womb's calling, the Lord said to her, "I have made you wide bearing and have made you fruitful. You will hold creation, and without you, there could be no life". The Womb wept. "How can I, a great nothing, bare such a load? Our Lord smiled and said "I will make for you a fitting partner", and thus he made for her the Floor. He said "Oh, Floor, I have made you strong and I have made you vast, and without you nothing would have a place". The floor wept, "oh Lord, I cannot bear such a load, I lack strength in your shadow, for I am nothing compared to you". Succumbing to sadness, the Floor crumbled to dust. The Lord smiled and whispered to The Floor. He then rebuilt and fortified himself and held the Womb stable. So that when the Lord plucked from His-self a piece trillions of Nano times smaller than a Nano particle, squeezed it between his metaphorical hands without any force or motion and caused it to explode and scatter into the first wave of cosmic existence. Yes, life really did start with "a big bang", just not by accident, duhh. Once made, our Lord greeted the newborn systems. "Oh, I have made you mighty in strength and mighty in number, that the best of you may join me in a fight against that which oppresses beauty. A treacherous enemy seeks to end us. But together, we will end IT."
Let me tell you about them fuckers, the stars. So boastful, arrogant and prideful they are. They exclaimed, " Yes, Lord! We are strong, and we will fight for you, for you have made us mighty in strength and each of us unique in our abilities, and yet we are but a speck of nothing compared to you! But among us, O' Lord, some are weak, and some are small, and some are insignificant, and some are inferior, and we seek to destroy them before we join you in the mighty victory against our disgusting foe" And boy oh boy did they. You already know how hostile planets are. They destroy themselves into oblivion while trying to take out as many others as possible. Ironically, they live for destruction. Anyway, so after some time of trying to wipe each other out and failing, the stone-head victors called out to our Lord in yet another obnoxious boast, "Oh Lord!" "LORD! We are strong and find no challenge amongst ourselves, can you not make for us a worthy competitor?" and with that, the Lord Called into existence the "Ya's". They're what you'd probably call angels; whether or not they live up to that meaning is neither here nor there, but we will refer to them by their denomination and name.
And He, our Lord, made them by process of fertilisation. The same burst of light at conception is somewhat the same material used: just high-energy intertwining with high-energy (a perfect blend of secret herbs and spices) and multiplying as a result. And when He called the Ya's into existence, He called them into life all at once. And when he did, he said: "You are my children, you are the light in the darkness, and I have made everything with purpose, and I have made you to foresee that purpose, for justice is our success, and without you, there would be no order".
And do you know what they did, these darling angels? The very first thing they did was rebel. Yes, breaking news, they rebelled against their prescribed order. "Oh Lord, we have seen above and below, and have seen nothing but the beauty and magnificence of your creation, how could you expect us to be diligent in our duties in your presence, when we are not worthy of your presence at all". And then they fell to the floor in worship, wailing his praise, crying, being all emotional and shit. (I get it, though.) The Ya's wailed his praise for millennia after millennia before one of them sang his praise instead. I have to be honest here and give them credit for that; they can absolutely fucking sing. (It makes listening to them more tolerable, cough-cough.)
So for a while, everything was boring - until those bloody stars spread their fat gapes and spoke again. "Oh Lord, how have you made for us nothing to conquer except for ourselves? Lest we wither and rock before you make us a worthy competitor!"
"So be it!".
A naked spark was what brought in the first Sa'. Unlike the Ya's, we Sa's were not made from the glorious light of life, but rather the comforting darkness of death. Radioactive dark matter imploding into an inextinguishable black fire. Like a chemical reaction. That's us, loud and proud. Unlike the others, we were made one by one. And although we lacked numbers, we were greater in might. "Oh, my child! I have made you a companion to all that lives and to all that will ever live, and you are free to Be!" "Lord, I am Sa'Yah, the first, and we have all been curated with all your perfect qualities and in your perfect image. I am, and we are, forever in your debt." Of course, the Lord was pleased with that banger of an introduction. Sa'Ya looked to one side and saw the cosmos in its usual rage against the dying of the light, then took a slight glance to the Ya's and said: "Lord, you have made me free, and with that I shall humbly be. I will rid the Womb of these arrogant marbles and restore humility upon the Floor, and may the best of us please you".
"So be it!"
With that, the stars let out a thunderous roar in rejection of such an unworthy boast.
And so for a while, the frequency was set to chaos and murder, and everyone was happy. Everyone except the Ya's of course. And whoa whoa whoa… before you start thinking "here comes the Satanist propaganda", no... I actually agree with them on this. From their perspective, we were made to be companions for consciousness above and below, and given a huge element of freedom to do so, and what did we choose? We chose Violence! So anyway, they, the dimwits, began worrying. "Hostility breeds hostility". "If Sa'Yon can vanquish the proud and long-standing Avalonians, what's to stop any of them smiting us?" They grew paranoid. Then came news of a Sa'Ha inventing the first instrument of death, a weapon combined from the undying shards of multiple slain cores. It was said to be so sharp it could cut the Womb. The Ya's weren't about to have that. They stopped wailing and went straight to the King of Kings in complaint. "Lorrrd we's gonna dieeeee" (Lol. Sorry.) "Lord! you made us fair, and you made us just, and without us there is no order! Let the Book testify to us commencing our duties!".
"So be it!".
And just like that, the Ya's took their gloves off and declared war on us all.
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Now, I wouldn't be the not-real Satan if I'm not-real evil, so... Ha Ha! This is the end... Of book 2's intro and now you have to sit through a steaming pile of dog shit in the form of Book 1. Skim through it; it's only there because we have to be fair and give our enemy their say. They think they've won. But they haven't. No "thing" can go against God and win! Nothing. Fuck them, fuck their story.
See you after 1 you little shit.