My story begins the same as it ends. My 3 brothers and I were raised by our mother. You would think being the only girl I was spoiled rotten, but nevertheless I wasn't. I longed for attention I never got.
My brothers got all the attention and love that I desired from my mother. I can't remember a hug, kiss or even a " I love you" from her. In my adolescent years my life really began to change for the worse. The abuse, physical and mentally began by my mother and brothers.
What they called just being a mother and brother, I called destructing me one piece at a time. At the age of 12 my mother's live in boyfriend raped me. I told her about it , but she didn't believe me. This moment led to to total and complete shut down. I didn't know what to do, it seemed like I was on my own.
I felt that if my mother didn't believe me, then who would. I laid in my bed crying, bleeding and in unbearable pain just wishing for a mother's love. The next morning I washed up , ate breakfast and went to school as if nothing happened. Through all of this I still loved my mother. The molestation continue on by the boyfriend until he drowned in a pond close to our house.
As time and life went on I still endured physical and mentally abused from my mother. I respected my mom well into my adulthood. My mind was so messed up I thought I couldn't do nothing on my own. I was told I couldn't go to college because if I did I couldn't come back to her home to stay. I finally moved out at the age of 24 because I couldn't take it anymore.
I took care of her still because I loved my mom with all my heart and soul. I held out on hope that before she left this world, she would tell me that she loved me for the first time and that she believed me about being raped. My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer on July, 30, 2014. I was there with her ever step of the way. I sat by her bedside hoping she would tell me something. After she didn't say anything. I told her I loved her just as I have done all through the years. It was by the grace of God that she used every bit of strength that she had to say, " I Love You Too" The words I had being waiting for years to hear.
Those were the last words she ever spoke. She took her last breath on August 12, 2014. I felt happy and sad at the same time. I was happy because it was my first time hearing my mother loved me, but sad because it was gone be her last time telling me. I'm still left with the question, why do it still feel like my mother's love for me is unconfirmed??
My brothers got all the attention and love that I desired from my mother. I can't remember a hug, kiss or even a " I love you" from her. In my adolescent years my life really began to change for the worse. The abuse, physical and mentally began by my mother and brothers.
What they called just being a mother and brother, I called destructing me one piece at a time. At the age of 12 my mother's live in boyfriend raped me. I told her about it , but she didn't believe me. This moment led to to total and complete shut down. I didn't know what to do, it seemed like I was on my own.
I felt that if my mother didn't believe me, then who would. I laid in my bed crying, bleeding and in unbearable pain just wishing for a mother's love. The next morning I washed up , ate breakfast and went to school as if nothing happened. Through all of this I still loved my mother. The molestation continue on by the boyfriend until he drowned in a pond close to our house.
As time and life went on I still endured physical and mentally abused from my mother. I respected my mom well into my adulthood. My mind was so messed up I thought I couldn't do nothing on my own. I was told I couldn't go to college because if I did I couldn't come back to her home to stay. I finally moved out at the age of 24 because I couldn't take it anymore.
I took care of her still because I loved my mom with all my heart and soul. I held out on hope that before she left this world, she would tell me that she loved me for the first time and that she believed me about being raped. My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer on July, 30, 2014. I was there with her ever step of the way. I sat by her bedside hoping she would tell me something. After she didn't say anything. I told her I loved her just as I have done all through the years. It was by the grace of God that she used every bit of strength that she had to say, " I Love You Too" The words I had being waiting for years to hear.
Those were the last words she ever spoke. She took her last breath on August 12, 2014. I felt happy and sad at the same time. I was happy because it was my first time hearing my mother loved me, but sad because it was gone be her last time telling me. I'm still left with the question, why do it still feel like my mother's love for me is unconfirmed??
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