And here I am, finding myself in the "Museum of Broken Relationships" in Zagreb, Croatia. Although I have absolutely no interest in any kind of museum, this one caught my attention and fascinated me in endless different ways. The Museum of Broken Relationships truly is the place where you have to go when you either got your heart broken, or you are in desperate need of making a decision. Speaking of decisions, I went to Croatia all by myself to make the most difficult decision of my life. Well, at least that was what I�ve told myself so I could overcome my dramatic love story. The last six month have been an emotional roller coaster, leaving me no chance, but escaping to another country. Usually, I get bored really easily when it comes to the fundamental history of museums, their way of presenting architecture, art and sculptures. But this one was somehow different, because it made me feel less alone and gave me a safe place where I could suffer together with thousands of broken hearts. The most fascinating thing about the Museum of Broken Relationships is, that it is dedicated to failed love relationships and their tragedies. And when I am talking about those stories, I do not mean fictional stories, instead I am referring to real life break-up stories, which were collected from all over the world in order to be shared with all of the broken hearted among us. Unlike destructive self-help instructions for recovery from grief and loss, the Museum offers the chance to overcome an emotional collapse through creation.

As I entered the museum, I had no idea how my heavy heart got inspired by all of those experiences from strangers, who were courageous enough to share their personal heartbreak story with me. After I bought the entrance ticket, I got caught up at the last sentence of the introductory print on the very first wall, which said:

"[?] Hopefully, they can also inspire our personal search for deeper insights and strengthen our belief in something more meaningful than random suffering."

That was the moment when I realized that no matter which kind of crazy idea led me to this place, I was at the right place at the exact right time. Which sounds paradox, because the last couple of months made me believe that I�ve met the right person at the wrong time. However, it is truly insane that such a place exists, I thought; and nevertheless, I enjoyed myself strolling through all the small rooms reading each and every break-up story with pleasure. One of my favorite stories was definitely the one which was called:

"A mobile phone"- July 12, 2003 -April 14, 2004 Zacreb, Coratia - "It was 300 days too long. He gave me his mobile phone so I couldn�t call him anymore."

I have no idea how many times I laughed dearly about this part of story and of course I had to take a photo of it, because it was just hilarious. But surprisingly the museum also offered plenty of overwhelming and sad break-up stories, which not only made me feel quite emotional, but also compassionate towards all those heartbroken souls out there. As I would describe myself as an overly empathetic and caring person, I had no trouble to be dragged into the stories of broken hearts, where I had to face suffering, loss and endings. While I continued to read through those failed relationship stories, I realized that it is absolutely human to fall in and out of love. I mean sooner or later everything good has to fall apart, in order for something better to arise, right? At least that was something I tried to convince myself to believe in. Anyway, this museum was somehow magical. I lost track of time, but I am pretty sure that I have spent two or almost three hours in there, without getting bored at all. Isn�t it astonishing how stories of strangers have that much control over our own emotions that we somehow find ourselves again in our deepest and most vulnerable moments? Meanwhile, I was purely attached and overwhelmed from all those heartbreaking stories that I�ve decided to get a glass of white wine afterwards.

`Would you like to have another one?� asked the waiter politely and I didn�t feel ashamed to order a second glass of wine. It turned out that I really needed the taste of alcohol in order to process what I�ve just experienced. I was surprised that my very first day in Zagreb taught me so much about love, break-up�s, grief and loss, that the feelings of happiness and sadness intertwined. But in a good way. I truly felt emotionally empowered and a little bit tipsy of course. But what other did I expect, after drinking two glasses of white wine while sitting outside in the burning sun on a hot summer day in June?

It occurred to me that I still have four days left to make a decision on my self-discovery journey. At least that�s what I�ve told my boyfriend Ben. Actually, it has something to do with self-discovering, but what he didn�t know was that the reason why I travelled to another country was that I desperately needed some time alone to figure out if I still want this relationship. As the time passed, many visitors came by, sat down for a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, enjoyed the afternoon sun and left again. While I was observing all those strangers, I enjoyed every sip of my Chardonnay, because it helped me seeing things clearly. Of course, I know, that only drunk people would say something like this, but I didn�t care about how the alcohol consumed me on this wonderful day. Suddenly I remembered the night where I�ve met Joshua for the very first time. The boy who is constantly on my mind and somehow responsible for the desperate situation I find myself in right now.

It was a cold and cloudy autumn day sometime in October. Which is by the way my birthday month, if this might be a sign of meeting someone special. While me and my friends waited in the queue outside a bar Joshua came straight towards me and started a conversation:

`Hey you, can I borrow a lighter from you?� He asked gently.

`Of course,� I replied and handed him my lighter.

`Thanks dear, what�s your name? I haven�t seen you here before� he grinned at me.

`No problem� I said, lighting up my own cigarette.

`I�m Grace, nice to meet you?� I paused, waiting for him to introduce himself.

`My name is Joshua, but my friends call me Josh� His cheeky smile and his light blue eyes gave me warm and pleasant feeling and I already sympathized with him.

`George- Gorsch?� I uttered confused. At first, I struggled to pronounce his name correctly, so we both couldn�t stop laughing about it.

`Well Grace, I hope your dance moves are better than your pronounciation, see you inside� He laughed and disappeared in the crowd.

A few drinks later we ran into each other on the dance floor, and I instantly felt a special vibe between us. I�m not quite sure what he thought about me that night, but I was pretty sure that he was impressed from me as well. Until then I didn�t exactly know in which direction this vibe would go. We continued our conversation in the smoking area and talked about God knows what. Everything and nothing at the same time. Unfortunately, the bar had to close around 5 am, so we said goodbye.

`Alright Grace, it was really nice meeting you, hopefully we will see each other again someday� he said and gave me a warm and long hug.

`The pleasure is all mine� I responded. `Never say never� I added and winked at him. `See you Joshua�.

Even though Joshua knew about the fact that I had a boyfriend till then, he didn�t hesitate to text me on the following days. At first, I have to admit that we started texting on a friendship base, it was harmless and innocent. But as we both got to know each other we developed a kind of texting obsession and we couldn�t help it to text each other on regular basis. Mainly during the evening and night times. Sometimes even till 3 am in the morning, which ruined my whole daily routine. But that didn�t bother me at the beginning. Our conversations were way to exciting and hilarious to cut them short. Anyway, of course I had a guilty consciousness about my boyfriend Ben at this time, even though I told him that I have met someone, who I really liked and shared an instant connection with. I really was trying to be honest with my boyfriend overall, but I didn�t want to face the truth about developing feelings for Joshua. In one of many nights, we texted again while we were watching a movie together. Well, not physically together, but we chose a movie and texted each other in the mean time. And believe it or not, this was somehow our thing to do, if you can even call it "our thing". Choosing a random movie and talk about it for hours and hours.

`When you grow up, where would you like to live, if you could choose any place in the world?� Joschua asked out of the blue.

`That�s easy� I answered, `I�m dreaming about living in a huge house near a lake, it doesn�t matter where exactly, but it should be near the water.�

`A house on the lake with a footbridge� he texted and at the very same second, I concluded `with a footbridge� as well.

We both were shocked and surprised at the same time as we shared the same thought.

`HAHAHA come on� he texted me with three howl-laugh smileys.

As the time passed by, I realized that Joshua and I had many moments where we thought of the exact same thing. This connection between us, which nobody of us could define got stronger and stronger. One day it escalated in a huge fight, followed by even more fights and disagreements about our emotional state.

`Why are you so desperately trying to convince yourself that there is nothing more going on between us?� Joshua wrote aggressively.

`I don�t know what you want me to say, but I�m more than sure about my relationship with my boyfriend and I appreciate you as a close friend. Nothing more� I typed with a feeling of anger.

`Why do you keep telling yourself all those lies Grace? I just don�t understand why you won�t be completely honest with yourself.� He certainly got very angry at me.

`You don�t get it Joshua, do you? I have a boyfriend and I want to keep it that way. If you can�t handle the truth, you should stop texting me.� I felt my frustration heightening up as I got really upset about our fight.

And like I suggested, he stopped texting me. Days and weeks went by and there was not a single day where I didn�t think of him. I felt deeply hurt and I couldn�t handle the feeling of missing him harder each day.

Lost in my thoughts, I found myself starring into space, the world around me blurred. Suddenly, the waiter approached with a polite smile and asked, `May I offer you one last drink, before we close up?� Startled, I snapped out of my reverie, realizing I had drifted away in contemplation. `Ehm thanks, - I stuttered confused, but I had more than enough drinks. Can I get the check please?� He certainly thought I was tipsy already and I didn�t make the effort to convince him otherwise. Instead, I�ve got quite emotional. So I quickly paid for my drinks, grabbed some dinner on the way and headed back to the backpacker hostel.

While walking back to the hostel, I could feel the weight of unshed tears pressing against my eyes. The contrast between the vibrant laughter on the streets and the thunder within me became almost unbearable. Each step got heavier as I was desperately holding back my tears. All those happy people along the way intensified my sense of isolation even more. As I finally reached the hostel, the receptionist luckily informed me that all my room mates had cancelled for that night. Exhausted from the weight of emotions I had been carrying, I collapsed onto the bed. I felt the facade I had upheld throughout the day crumble away. The tears, pent up and unspoken, flowed freely, tracing a path down my cheeks. It was as if the weight of the world had been lifted and I capitulated to the vulnerability of my own emotions. Feelings of guilt overcame me because I already knew that I�ve made my decision.

A symphony of pain and release. The darkness embraced me, allowing the tears to fall unjudged, as I let go of the emotions that had held me captive for too long. I instantly thought of calling my boyfriend Ben, telling him the whole truth about my trip to Croatia, how my feelings have changed and how it affected me in a negative way. Thank God, I didn�t call him. I�d rather distracted myself with Linda Castillo�s thriller "the number of the dead" and somehow managed to get through the endless, most painful night ever.

I awoke the next day to the gentle sunbeams filtering through the curtains, feeling more rested than I had anticipated. With a renewed sense of energy, I�ve told myself to embrace the next few days in Croatia and make the best out of it. As I checked out of the hostel, I rushed to the bus station to catch the FlixBus to Rijeka. Settling into the FlixBus seat, a wave of relief washed over me. Knowing that I would soon be on the beach and actually be on vacation, felt like a lifeline from the exhausting thoughts and pressures from the last day. I plugged in my earphones and got comfortable while listening to the same five songs over and over again. How music possesses an extraordinary ability to reflect and mirror a certain emotional state has always fascinated me in multiple ways.

Suddenly, I remembered what my best friend Kate texted me the other day and I started rereading her text messages.

`I know that the last couple of months have been really challenging for you and I hate the thought of you going through such a rough time all by yourself. I just don�t get it why you had to travel to a foreign country all alone to make such a huge decision.�

`Seriously Grace, I�m worried about you and I really want to be there for you!�

`But guess what girl, I�m already on my way to you. Can�t wait to see you hun. I�ll arrive at bus station in Rijeka around 3pm�

Oh, how I truly wished Kate would be here with me. But she couldn�t be serious. How would she possibly book a flight in that short amount of time? Hell no. I didn�t believe her because I didn�t want to get my hopes up. After a quick bus stop, we continued our drive, I got caught up in all the sad songs again. While looking out of the window, I enjoyed the beautiful landscapes, which seemed to change their colors and their form constantly. My Mom was right - I thought, there is something beautiful in every change in our lives. We just need to be openminded and trust the right timing of our life. Even though it takes a lot of courage to make the "right" decision sometimes. And what is right anyway? That was my problem all along. Figuring out whether to break up with Ben or not. It took me over 6 months to finally make that decision, because I was more than afraid of regretting it afterwards.



And like my Mom used to say, if we don�t come to the point where we have the courage to take the jump, we will find ourselves stuck in the exact same situation where we have been all along. Nothing will change and we will continue to be miserable and unhappy. And certainly, we never really come to the point where we feel ready to jump. I always admired her way of thinking, especially because she always knows what to do.

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and tried to rest for a bit. But my thoughts kept spinning around and refused to let me fall asleep. The weight of an impending decision hung heavily, and my mind replayed imagined scenes of how Ben might react if I followed through with the breakup. My overactive mind played out each scenario like a movie reel, his hurt expressions and unanswered questions haunting my restless consciousness. An unending loop. The imaginary conversations played out like a relentless soundtrack, each word carrying the weight of consequences yet to unfold.

Three hours later, we finally arrived at our destination - Rijeka. A harbor city, east of Croatia. I stood at the bustling Rijeka bus station, scanning the crowd with eager anticipation, hoping that Kate had been honest with me when suddenly, amidst the arriving passengers, I spotted Kate getting of another FlixBus with a huge suitcase. My eyes widened with disbelief as I rushed towards her, unable to hold back my tears. I cried instantly and embraced her with a long hug.

`Kate, is it really you? Oh my fucking god, I can�t believe that you are actually here. No way, how is that even possible?� Tears streamed down my cheeks.

Kate grinned - `I�ve told you I would come. Come on, do you really think I would leave you all alone, when you actually need me the most?� She hugged me tightly.

`You have no idea how freaky crazy you are Kate. Laughing heavily. I can�t even tell you how happy I�m to see you, I�ve missed you so much.�

Kate squeezed my hand. `Well -Kate replied, I figured if you�re facing a storm, I�d better bring an umbrella. Seriously, though, you�re my best friend, and I wanted to support you in person. Besides, I�m in desperate need of vitamin sea and a vacation. � We both laughed until tears of joy ran down our cheeks.

As the day unfolds, the temperature steadily rises, creating a noticeable heat that shimmers in the air. Kate and I sat outside a fancy caf�, while the coast breeze gently rustles through palm leaves. Rijeka gave me such a warm feeling where time seems to momentarily stand still. The vivid beauty of the season was incredible. We enjoyed our recently brewed cappuccino in combination with a fresh orange juice. Well, I mean Aperol spritz of course.

`Cheers to our reunion!� I raised my glass and we toasted. I felt truly happy.

`Cheers darling! Let's make this summer unforgettable� Kate winked while taking a small sip from her Aperol.

`Now Grace, what�s going on with all the boy's drama? Have you made a decision yet, or did you talk to Ben?� Kate looked at me with a curious gaze.

I sighed loudly - `Well, it�s been a rollercoaster of emotions the last couple of months and after a lot of soul-searching during this trip to Croatia, I�ve realized I need to end things with Ben after this journey. Even if it breaks my heart.�

Kate skeptically replied: `End things? Are you sure about this? He�s definitely not the guy who returns to you after a breakup. Seriously, Ben is more than a great guy and he has given you everything you ever wanted in a relationship!�

I hesitated than replied: `I know Kate, you are absolutely right, but I�ve been struggling for so long now and I can�t deny the fact that I�ve been attracted to Joshua. You know that I�ve been torn between the two, and I can�t keep pretending that everything is alright. I�m more than unhappy with this situation.�

Kate looked concerned about my decision. I could see it in her eyes.

`But what if you regret it? - She asked with a worried tone - I mean, Ben has always been your dream guy and you seemed so in love with him. Over two years now he had made you the happiest girl in the world and now you want to give up on him, because a random guy seems to be more interesting? Seriously Grace, Joshua is a down-grade in comparison to Ben, in all aspects!�

I paused - `Kate I see your point, but do you want me to continue to keep lying to myself, convincing myself that my feelings for Joshua are not real? I just didn�t have the courage to face the truth for so long, but this journey has changed my whole perspective and I�m more than certain about my decision.� I exhaled.

`Well girl - Kate finished her Aperol - you seem pretty determined regarding your decision. But I get it, you need to find out if Joshua is your soulmate before it is too late.� She was breathing heavily - `I need another drink, something stronger than an Aperol.�

`Same goes for me� - I grinned at her.

As we engaged in a prolonged conversation about the breakup with Ben, time flew by. We examined and analyzed every detail, leaving no aspect of the initial situation undiscussed. The conversation shifted to the mystery of Joshua�s recent distance, as I mentioned my concerns about his apparent detachment, prompting an exploration of the dynamics between me and him. `What is Joshua�s intention anyway?� - I thought of that question many times. But still, I was aware of the fact, that he wouldn�t wait any longer. Oh, how I truly missed the wine-therapy talks with my best friend. Since Kate joined me in Croatia, the miserable solo-trip turned into an exhilarating and hilarious girl's vacation. Most of the days we�ve spent on the beach, basking in the warm sun, indulging in refreshing swims and dives in the pleasant water. Our daily hydration routine consisted of sipping cocktails or iced coffee while sunbathing and exploring the city. All in all, a memorable summer who didn�t seem to end. Until the day of the departure raised.



Today is the day. It is Friday the 6th of June and today I�m going to breakup with Ben. My mind constantly replayed that sentence during the flight back home. Despite contemplating taking pride in my decision, which was undoubtedly heart-wrenching, I hesitated to confess it to Ben. However, the unbearable suffering left me with no choice. I promised myself to end things with him immediately after the trip. The anxiety weighed heavily on my shoulders as I stood before Ben�s apartment door. I could feel the knot tightening in my stomach. For a brief moment I hesitated, took a deep breath, and forced myself to ring the bell. The door creaked open, and Ben�s eyes filled with a mixture of worry and expectation, met mine.

`Hey Grace darl, it�s so good to see you again, is everything okay?� He gently asked with a concerned look.

Honest but emotional I replied: `Ben, we need to talk!�

Ben�s expression tightened, a sense of the impending conversation weighing on him. While we had navigated our relationship through challenges in the past, this time, the atmosphere was oppressive and carried an unspoken finality. Something in his eyes told me, that he already knew what I was going to say, as if he could read my mind. Ben�s brow furrowed anxiously; his voice trembled as he implored.

`What�s the matter Grace? First, you asked for space and the no-contact rule during your time in Croatia, and I respected that. Then, you post random pictures from a museum of broken relationships on Instagram, leaving me utterly confused and frustrated. Please, just be honest with me, this uncertainty is tearing me apart.�

While desperately holding back my tears, I fought to articulate the pain within me.

`Ben, you mean the world to me, and I appreciate you so much, that's what makes this incredibly hard. I've been wrestling with it for months, and you've sensed it. Despite our numerous conversations, I attempted to find a solution, convincing myself that my doubts and insecurities would fade away.� `But - tears welled up and began to stream down my cheeks, I can't do this anymore. I'm truly, deeply sorry.�

Ben, clearly in shock, battled to stave off tears. He couldn�t even look me in the eyes.

His voice cracking with emotion. `I love you deeply, but it feels like you�re giving up on me, on us.� I could see the disappointment in his face. `Are you really going to tell me this other guy has nothing to do with it?� He turned away from me, certainly angry and confused. Consumed by profound shame, I looked into his eyes and I couldn�t be honest. I just couldn�t.

`No, Ben, I swear, it has nothing to do with him. I've just been unhappy for a while, and I denied it, convinced to belief that it was merely a passing phase. I still love you with all my heart, but not in the way a partner should be loved.�

The words hung heavily in the air, burdened by the weight of an agonizing truth. Ben�s expression shifted into the form of a literal heartbreak. Tears rolled down on both of his cheeks.

`I don�t know what to say, I need you to leave now.� His pain turned into anger - `Get out Grace!� He started screaming at me. `I don�t ever wanna see you again.�

Now I said it out loud-the inevitable truth.

Immediately after the breakup, a sense of release surged through me. The heavy burden I carried for so long vanished, and I felt like I could breathe my own breath again. In other words, I regained the control over my mind and my emotions, which freed me from the state of suspension. The state of suspension kind of felt like being torn between what my heart wanted and what my mind convinced me was right. Anyway, to be honest, all the pain and the suffering I faced during my relationship led me to an ultimate distance regarding Ben. This might be the reasoning behind the fact that I already processed the end of the relationship before the actual breakup took place.

While walking across a bridge above a winding river the next day, I paused in the middle and took a moment to absorb the beautiful nature around me. I have the whole summer ahead of me, with so many new adventures and opportunities - I thought with pure excitement. Nature consumed me entirely with all the vivid colors of its surroundings. The rhythmic dance of the water below, harmonizing with the chorus of the birds in the sky, and the sweet perfume from the blooming flowers created a unique atmosphere. As I captured the magnificence of nature, I realized that the lively surroundings are a reflection of my inner being. The liberation I had longed for over months, now enfolded me in its full embrace. For the very first time I felt like my heart and my mind were finally at peace.

As the days and weeks unfolded, I couldn�t wrap my head around the fact that Joshua had left me on read ever since my journey to Croatia. Despite him being well aware of our breakup, a fact I shared with our mutual friend Ross, there was an unsettling silence. No text, no shared memes, not a single sign of life. This silence began to bother me continuously, planting the nagging suspicion that perhaps it was too late for us. Had the moment slipped away irretrievably? Did it take me too long to make my decision? What happened to all the repressed emotions, the unspoken confessions we buried deep within?

It's not just me; it's everyone, our friends, witnessed all the unresolved tension between us. We're stuck in a narrative with loose ends for months. At least this is how it feels like for me. But the worst and most frustrating thought that haunts me day by day is that I might never get the chance to tell him the truth about my actual feelings for him. The relentless echo of self-blame and disappointment filled my mind, accusing me with every thought: `It's your fault.�

The following morning, I woke up bathing in sweat, my heart pounding in my chest. After three deep breaths I convinced myself, it was just a terrifying nightmare. As I got up from my bed, I stumbled clumsily, narrowly avoiding a collision with the TV. `Typical me,� - I mumbled annoyed. But clearly, I�m still in shock. Joshua literally died in my dream last night. And everything seemed so vivid. As I managed to brew me a coffee I sat down with my thoughts. I usually don�t remember my dreams, but this one stuck in my head. My gut signaled to me that something was off. I couldn't help it but choose to investigate a relatable analysis of my dream. After reviewing various articles on the significance of dreaming about the death of a loved one, a recurring aspect emerged. Specifically, these dreams are often seen as symbols of changes, closures, or the initiation of new life phases. All the articles highlighted emotional shifts, involving either the release of the past or the process of coping with losses. Ultimately, the interpretation suggests that certain facets of the relationship with this person are undergoing transformation or reaching an end.

My gut feeling didn�t betray me, - I thought after my research; something was about to change. Each bone in my body forced me to text Joshua. So I did.

`Hey you, I quickly typed, it�s been ages since we caught up and I really need to talk to you, Joshua!� I hesitated briefly before hitting send.

After waiting for hours, which felt like an eternity, a notification finally popped up on my screen.

`Hey stranger, sure, let�s catch up! Are you down for an event on Friday? A few friends are getting together and there�s a wine tasting with some cheese and stuff.�

A wave of release swept over me; it seemed like there was still a chance for us. I couldn�t help it but grin like a fool.

`Sounds great! I�m in!� - I replied.

`How about 3 pm at my place? So we can have a chat before going to the event.�

`Deal!� - he responded with the emoji who winked in a flirty way.

As time passed swiftly, the awaited day finally arrived - it was Friday. I found myself with a mixture of excitement and nervousness, reminiscent of a child expecting something special. I constantly replayed the upcoming conversation in my mind, yet despite my efforts, I couldn�t shake the feeling of being unprepared. Glancing at the clock, I caught a noise outside the house. Joshua had just pulled his car into the parking spot next to my car. His face looked familiar as he stepped out, but I couldn't read his facial expression. My heart raced, threatening to jump out of my chest. Once I greeted him, we made our way uphill to a lookout, where we settled on a bench with a stunning view over the village.

As we exchanged casual small talk, the underlying unease lingered until he abruptly asked,

`So, what did you want to talk about?� I turned my gaze towards the village below, a momentary escape from impending confession. `Um, I honestly don�t know where to start,� I admitted, my voice clearly shaking nervously. `Joshua, I haven�t been entirely honest with you about a lot of things.� I paused. `You were right, I�ve been fooling myself, denying the truth about my feelings for you. But they are more than real!� During my revelation, he reached for my hand, a silent reassurance. `Grace,� he responded with a soft warmth, `I know.� There was a certain ease in his acknowledgment that comforted my vulnerability. `I�m definitely not blaming you for taking your time with this decision, but honestly, I had stopped expecting it to happen.� Joshua seemed understanding, even though I knew he refused to wait for me that long. `Well,� I went on, `sometimes we�re convinced that we meet the right person at the wrong time in our lives, but truthfully, there�s no wrong time for the right person. Even if the circumstances seem impossible to overcome.� Joshua nodded in agreement, `Let�s keep things open and see what happens.� He grinned at me and looked deep into my eyes. We continued our conversation about the crazy connection we share and about all the coincidences of thinking and acting in a similar way. `Surely we share a soulmate connection,� Joshua said with his cheeky smile. We looked at each other and laughed dearly as we agreed to return home to get ready for the event.

The day after the wine tasting, I woke up with a big hangover. What happened last night? My head was pounding. Did Joshua really kiss me, or was it just a dream? Feelings of happiness streamed through my whole body. This is exactly the moment I have longed for so desperately. Even though he kissed me in the less-than-romantic smoking area. It felt surreal.

However, turns out fate cruelly revealed that the timing remained irreversibly wrong. What I didn�t know at this time was that he got back with his ex-girlfriend, which he barely mentioned to me. As na�ve as I was, I kept waiting for his text messages. But he didn�t reply anymore. Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months; time flew, and I felt left alone. Although I didn�t know at this point what was actually going on, I was completely broken inside. My attachment to Joshua was so strong that I questioned everything. I wasn�t able to let him go so effortlessly. Like he did. He was supposed to be my soulmate, someone I shared an instant connection with. I refused to believe that everything he told me was a lie. But there was sure as hell more to the story than I knew.

Now my side of the story doesn�t matter anymore. It�s been over a year, and I�m still trying to process my loss. Throughout this journey, I�ve come to understand that hope can be very damaging when it�s directed towards something that has already shown you it�s hopelessness. Recognizing that I can�t expect a dead plant to bloom the next day, even with persistent watering, took me long enough to figure out. Even though hope is tremendously precious, because it keeps you alive somehow, doesn�t mean that one must hold on to it. I�m very well aware of the fact that my attachment to Joshua was the result of putting him on a pedestal. All those fantasies and illusions I imagined during this period, were a poignant departure from the harsh reality that now echoes with an overwhelming sense of heartache. Facing reality is inevitable and coming to terms with accepting this reality has taught me, if it�s out of my hands, it deserves freedom from my mind too. Nevertheless, he will always hold a special place in my heart, even if he will always be the one that got away.