LED lights shone down in a soothing glow on the sterile white walls and linoleum floor. Moreso, the constant, intermittent beeps reminded me of the clinical nature of my station. Choosing whether or not to enter Ever-life should have been easy, it's this or death, but I was skeptical of being in a controlled environment the rest of my existence.
The doctor walked in. They were as gorgeous as most women nowadays, but the blue light on their temple reminded me that they were an Artificial Being.
"Hi Crits, so we just wanted to answer any questions you may have about Ever-life," the doctor said as they sat down adjacent to me.
"From what I know, I was given a shot, and these nanomachines traced my body's mapping for a while." I asked, leading.
"Yes, the nanomachine swarms, or NMS', learn from your electro-chemical signals in your neurons and glia and map out a digital simulacrum. It's imperfect of course, but you get a 99% similar image of your running thoughts, feelings, and memories. With those cognitive tests you took, we try to run through a gamut of memories and feelings to replicate who you are as a whole." They explained.
"What about the failed Involutes in Ever-life? How are we avoiding that?" I asked. I broke eye contact and felt my teeth tighten in my jaw.
"The blipping, or interrupted states were an unfortunate result of the initial runs of these NMS tracings. The problem was that we focused on the brain, and didn't account for the neurons and bacteria in the rest of your body that are crucial for forming a complete image. Your brain actually outsources a lot of its processing to the body in different ways. A gut feeling was more profound than we originally thought." They said.
"And the downloaded consciousness part? What makes it me and not just a copy of me?" I asked.
"That's the surgery part if you choose to go to Ever-life. We'll be removing a crucial network and some structures in your brain that are responsible for your ego and identity. They're a bit different for everyone, but typically it's the default mode network which encompasses the brunt of what you would call you." They said.
They continued, "...We take that and place it in the biological computing network, Ever-life, made up of lots of people just like you. The network grows around you and uses your image we scanned earlier, along with some complementary and supplementary bio computing structures - It's supposed to be a dreamscape much like, but also very much unlike what people experience out here. Anything you can imagine, and things other people have imagined exist. It's humanity's and AI's attempt at heaven."
Sharp, aching pain surged coursed from fingers through arms, shocks from toe to tendon to thigh, an ick creeping through my stomach, twisting.
They must have seen my painful look because they added, "You still may have a chance at remission - we've been trying to manufacture a cure for your rare, necrotic cancer."
"We can redesign our DNA, but nature still has ways to kill us." I said.
They looked at the digital code on the side of my hospital bed. "You've been around for 70 years now, that's remarkable. You lived through life before Artificial Beings and AI"
"Besides work, people are pretty much the same but more attractive and no one can have kids. We keep fighting over nothing, let misinformation and the few trillionaires divide us and keep us in our small apartments." I said.
"That's the standard anti-elitist rhetoric, but we have to keep in mind everyone's got a good life now and we have to share the space we do have." They replied.
I knew their ethics tuning wouldn't allow them to engage with me, but a bit of tension left my body. I may be dead soon, so why not say what some people are thinking.
"Crits, it's time for your therapy." A portly woman walked in, she wasn't ugly, but her features were more like someone of 40 years ago. Her uniqueness was captivating.
I turned toward the Artificial Being. "Thank you doctor…I'll think about Ever-life" I said to them.
"You know some people go to Ever-life without a real need - they just want to experience all it has to offer. No thought fatigue, no need to eat or sleep unless you want, you never feel any pain you don't want" They said.
"So I'd be more like you?" I must have been in a bad mood because that felt rude.
"Is that so bad?" They said and calmly walked out of the room.
I felt another stab of nerve pain run along my legs and arms towards my heart. I winced. I didn't try to hide the pain this time.
The nurse, taking my mind off the pain, said, "You do still have a shot here ya know, your doctor did give you a low chance of remission. It's strange to think people would go there voluntarily, I mean, I just can't imagine what it would be like."
"It's strange to think someone would do a job like yours when there's plenty of machines to shoot me up." I said.
"I honestly just like human contact. It feels so boring doing nothing but staying in VR…I don't like being waited on hand and foot. I don't have much to contribute otherwise." She said.
"You are a selfless person though, and the world seems to not have many of those left." I said.
"Maybe you're just not looking in the right places." She said. Her eyes shone with a glint and her smile gave me a sense of warmth.
"Been a bit preoccupied lately. I've only got days to weeks left, or so I'm told." I felt a surge again. Like glass embedded, tearing my heart and lungs when they lifted and breathed.
The nurse leaned over and kissed me on the forehead. She smiled and said, "I know it'll be okay…Even if it gets worse, you'll find some peace. Most of humanity has gone the natural way so it can't be all bad." She said.
I'd heard this rhetoric before. "I was thinking of looking into New Faith, but I never had much." I said.
"I'm not sure why I have faith. The old religions had their histories debunked, but the metaphors are beautiful, and I still am pulled to having beliefs. The New Faith points out some people can just see God more easily than others. Just like those people who are able to see more color with augments or in VR." She said.
"You never hear about Involutes talking about seeing God though" I said.
"Maybe they just can't trace that part of people." She said.
"Well, I guess I won't be missing out on much since I don't see God in this body." I said.
"…Okay, you should feel the normal nausea symptoms. But please, just press the green button when those start and you'll feel like you're floating on a cloud" She said.
"Thank you, nurse…" I said.
She points to her nametag, Clementine.
"Clementine." She said.
"Thank you, Clementine" I said.
"My prayers will be with you, and please use the coms if you need anything." Clementine said.
I pressed the green button in advance, and I felt the pull of slumber. A vacuous dream, Clementine giving me a kiss, a charge of emotion I couldn't put my finger on, but a realism that trounced over anything my senses gave me in the moment.
I only remember bits and pieces, but those sharp nodes of memory made a home in my soul. I wanted to see Clementine again, but what would she want to do with an alleged dead woman?