I was always on the bridge, between victory and defeat, between smile and cry, between beauty and ugliness and between life and death. I wanted to cross the bridge, at least once. But my mind never allowed.
The Past Tense
I was not a so-good student; neither had I fallen into the other category. I spent most of my time in front of the text books, while my mind kept wandering in the unknown lands of dreams. At exams, I fared well enough so that my teachers never called my parents to school. But I often felt envious when the exam toppers were admired and I badly wanted to be like them. But it never happened. That was an awful feeling and I felt it everywhere in my life, in every field.
In sports, I was interested. But, never got a chance to play till the finals.
In arts, I involved myself. My teachers and parents encouraged me. But I failed to get a single fan.
Everywhere, anywhere, I kept on walking on the bridge, never crossed it.
Time flew while everything remained same. It was the time of college graduation. Job parties were going on and it took a long time for me to be in one of them. I was pushed into a job where brains never had to work and I saw my counterparts in quality jobs with enormous salaries. It was the time when people are driven by money and power. I could not say that I didnât have any of them, but I neither felt rich, nor powerful on comparative grounds. In life, everything is relative. Time is the only absolute and it flew again in a buzzing mood.
Love birds hummed around me. Yes, I was in love with a cute lovely being and I started recognizing the beauty around me. Those were good days and good days never last. Money overthrew love and I had to leave my dearest to marry a rich manâs offspring. I regretted later as my marriage life lost the briskness after the initial period. It was like a dummy play; we living for the sake of living. I realized that anew I was on the bridge .Not happy, not sad, in a sluggish, inert state.
I was getting completely tired of myself. Could never enjoy life; always in the tensions to be successful, or to be like others. I wanted to escape from this territory of bridges. I badly wanted to take rest, peacefully with tranquility. I wanted to end this life of sorrow and misery. So I chose the best option available for humans â death. I believed in it and I surrendered to it. With a smile, I swallowed the poison of death.
The future tense
Slowly, a fatigued being opens eyes. Oh..it is me. Yes, I open my eyes and look around. I donât recognize this place and I am feeling completely fagged out. I take all of my energy to stand up. I am just a sense of being. My body has lost its vitality. What is happening? Oh mine..
It is taking time to get back to senses. I remember the last thing I did. I supped a cup of poison and accepted death. I wanted to alleviate myself from life, from pain, from agony. Fine, that explains the fatigue. So now I might be in the journey towards death. Good, that sounds good. But which is this place? It seems to be a big chamber with enormous walls. The room is illuminated with red light. Two of its walls are coloured white, while the other two of dark black. I observe the floor and ceiling. Both are like chessboards with lines of alternated white and black squares. Where am I, am I playing chess with somebody?
Goops..Suddenly, the red light went off. I was frightened. An overwhelming feeling of scare struck me and I started wondering whether this place is a cage of trap. But who will trap me? Who plays against me? Life or death?
Time passes and the feeling of distress carry over me into despair, when, suddenly I saw a thin ray of light coming into the room. I somehow make me walk to the source of that ray of hope. It is a hole in the white wall. I fix my eyes on the hole when I could see another room, which appeared to be in a hospital. Somebody is lying on a bed and two people, standing nearby, are talking to each other. They seem to be a nurse and a doctor. The doctor was telling the nurse something. I listen carefully. â âIt is for sure. No more tests. This person is in a state of coma, between life and death. I donât see much hope for him. Fewer chances to come back to life and I, even, donât think that he will die easily.â
The flow of light stopped and a rain of thoughts hit me. Is he talking about me? Am I the person who is lying on the bed? My consciousness is well alive, but..but my body is trapped ? It is tiredâŚ. OhâŚso this might be the last bridge I should cross. This huge chessboard room is the bridge between life and death. I should get out of here and that will happen only if I lose my spirit, my consciousness.
My life and death are playing a game of chess and I am between them hoping for a win or defeat. Also, now, I fear a third possibility, the chance of a draw. I donât want that to happen. At least here, I want to cross the bridge.
How can I succeed? Will I be able to cross this infinite bridge of redemption? Will I attain salvation?