I used to think that people were only capable of loving one person but I guess I was just ignorant. I recently read that there are three distinct types of love that one can feel for another. While the ideal would be to experience all three with the same person, I canât say the same for myself. Looking back, I realized that Iâve encountered three different people who represent these three forms of love in my life.
The first of which is lust. At my age, I thought the raging teenage hormones have long been gone. But I was clearly mistaken when I met Mr. A. Mr. A was attractive, appealing and adventurous. I met Mr. A at a club and when our eyes were set on each other, there seemed to be an instant attraction between us. He felt it too and we exchanged flirtatious glances with each other on the dance floor. Though the lights were dimmed, all I noticed was how mesmerizing his eyes were. They were dark and smoky and I was sucked into them. My heart was beating furiously and all I could think about was if he was going to approach me. He did, slowly but surely, and we danced to the deafening music in the club. No words were exchanged, only smiles and glances.
Mr. A was tall, well built and muscular. Together with his sharp facial features, I melted inside when he smiled at me. âOh gosh, get a hold on yourselfâ, I thought to myself. I sounded like a schoolgirl in love but I couldnât help it. We exchanged numbers at the end of that night and we spent the next month texting from morning till night. For our first date, when Mr. A picked me up in his motorcycle, I was hooked. He was the bad boy the bad side in me always wanted. Being the risk-taker he is, Mr. A brought me back to his house and we spent the night together. But our conversations slowly dwindled and we lost interest in each other. Like a child who receives a new toy and stops playing with it after a few days, Mr. A stopped contacting me and before I knew it, he was gone.
I met Mr. B on exchange. I remember the first time I met him. He wasnât the typical guy you would notice in a crowd. Bashful, boyish, and bright is how I would describe him. There was no immediate physical attraction at play but it turns out that Mr. B and I have lots in common â our growing up years, our backgrounds, our love for music and all things Disney. Before I knew it, we were staying up till 4am sharing childish stories about our lives and singing to our heartâs content. Mr. B made me feel comfortable and I made it feel like it was home for him. We opened up to each other and one night, while resting my head on his lap, we saw in each other a deep and strong emotional connection.
We did everything together, even grocery shopping. He moved into my apartment and I almost felt like we were married. In the day, we would walk to school and back, together, hand-in-hand. In the evening, we would cook dinners together (where I did most of the work) and Mr. B would help with the dishes. In the quiet of the night, we would lay on the bed, sharing life stories and end up falling asleep in each otherâs arms. Over the weekends, we would travel to new places together, without a care in the world. Even though it was just two of us, it was more than enough. We felt like we were soul mates. No one understood me like he did, and no one encouraged me like the way he did. What Mr. B and I experienced was romantic love, love in the form of emotional intimacy.
After our blissful four months together, it was clear that this love we had for each other wasnât meant to be forever. We both knew that what we had would come to a close once exchange ended but none of us was willing to let go. We let love take its course and it left us heartbroken. Many nights were spent on the phone, full of sadness and anger. Tears were shed and swearwords were hurled. One day we spoke and the next we stopped. That day, I lost a lover and a friend.
By now, you are probably wondering what the last type of love is. It is characterized by the love I have for Mr. C, a deep and strong sense of attachment. Mr. C is calm, caring and most importantly committed. I first spoke to him on a cab. He did not say much but he was a great listener and I was charmed by his attentiveness and maturity. We met once a week in school for a weekly meeting and took the train back together because we lived conveniently near each other. Whoever said that distance is a good predictor of relationships wasnât wrong.
Occasionally, we would go for suppers after our meeting and I could sense the interest we had for each other. Just like every relationship, it progressed and Mr. C and I got to know each other better. While we had our differences in character and interests, we shared the same belief and goals in life. We wanted the same things in life and we both knew how to get there. Being the cautious person he is, Mr. C waited five months after we got to know each other to ask me to be his girlfriend with a bouquet of flowers. I agreed of course. Since that day, Iâve been with Mr. C for almost three years and if I said that our relationship has been smooth sailing, I would be lying.
Like many women, I desired excitement and adventure. Over time, both Mr. C and I became complacent and too comfortable in the relationship. We stopped trying. All the special things we once did and said to each other dwindled and we fell into the monotony of life. When I met Mr. A and Mr. B, I felt special and empowered. Even though we loved passionately, I didnât speak about leaving Mr. C. Perhaps that should have indicated to me where my heart really was. Though Mr. C and I had our fair share of rough patches, none of them were acceptable in justifying what I thought was humanly impossible for me to do. I was honest with Mr. C and after many days and nights of silence, animosity and hurt, he told me that he wanted to give us another chance.
It wasnât easy, but Mr. C and I grew to love each other even more than when we first met by taking small steps to reaffirm our commitment to each other. Many were skeptical but no one judged me more harshly than I did. I vowed never to go down that road again. Unlike the love I had for Mr. A and Mr. B, my love for Mr. C was not lustful or romanticized. Mr. C and I shared spiritual intimacy, a closeness that made us strong enough to overcome any problems that came our way. My relationship with Mr. C taught me more about love than any book or speaker did. It taught me that love isnât just purely an emotion, but itâs also a choice â a choice to want to overcome challenges together and a choice to grow old together.