Shadows darted back and forth as the boy sat alone in the corner. He hugged his knees close to his chest as he was being consumed by the fears of what had brought him here. The light drizzle of rain started to fall against the window in the sparsely lit room. Its presence was the only way he knew that time was slowly passing. He kept going over in his mind what he had gone through reliving every moment of pain and failure. Remembering everyoneâs harsh words they all slowly began to become one and the same. Soon his adrenaline started to make his brain mix everyone around and soon he couldnât remember who had said what all he knew was they all meant the same thing. Tears rolled down his face as he became lost in the pain of what he felt everyone wanted. The rain started to pick up as the boy cried to himself. Over time he slowly began to calm down and he began scanning the room again looking for an answer in the dark.
“I just want it to end…â he thought to himself
“Thereâs nothing to live for hereâ He got up slowly and walked around looking through things. Underneath the stairs he found his fatherâs tool box and opened it. As if the universe has planned it all along sitting on the top layer of the tool box sat a razor. It shined as if the blade had its own light begging to be used. His hands shaking he picked up the blade and slowly turning it in his hands looked at it. It seemed to him to be brand new with the way it shined in the dark room. He walked with it back to the corner he had been sitting in and sliding down sat and stared at it. His mind started wandering back to everything that had happened again. Slowly he started hearing voices egging him on to do it.
“All it takes is two quick cuts…”Â Tears rolled down his face as he listened to them
“You have no place in this world you never did…â
“This is all you have left to do to be free…â
“They wonât ever miss you…”
“Embrace the darkness you have no choice…”
Starting to panic he looked back and forth thinking that owners of the voices were sitting all around him. Seeing nothing but the shadows he began to shudder as he realized they were his own thoughts. Setting the blade down on the ground, he looked at his arms. A couple bruises lined his left arm from where he had been grabbed and shoved from the room upstairs earlier. He then looked up to his wrist and noted the veins underneath. His pale skin allowed him to see them perfectly in the dim lit room. Again the voices started to whisper to him.
“How easy to end it all on your own…”
“Wonât even need to cut deep…”
“This is all you are good for…”
“You know you will end it….itâs only a matter of time….”
He reached down and slowly picked up the blade. Outside the rain began to increase its rattling against the small window. Turning his left wrist up he slowly brought the knife down but was unable to drag it across his wrist. He remembered something then it was like the sun exploded in his mind and he saw the one time he had truly felt free and happy. He had been five years old and was in a field running around in circles. He remembered the butterflies and how his mom had smiled while watching him play.
“Youâre the reason she died…”
Suddenly the memory jumped and he watched as she wrapped her arms around him only to see a bright flash and the world turned black. When he had awoken it had been in a hospital bed five days later. It was two weeks before anyone told him what had happened to his mom and they all had blamed him. Tears of frustration rolled down his face at the bitter memoriehs.
“She doesnât want me to die…” he thought “She gave her life up just to save me…â
He threw the blade away from him and it sailed through the air like a fallen star. Hugging himself tightly he set about in his mind exactly what he was going to do……