This is it. Itâ€™s now or never. I can either choose to tell the girl of my dreams my true feelings for her or I can let her get married. Tomorrow is her wedding day.
Now, we’re at the dinner before the big day. Everybody is here and the dining hall is absolutely stunning. I get up from my table to go talk to her.
She’s talking to her grandmother. She’s also a sweet lady.
“Hello beautifuls,” I said to the both of them.
“Hey! I was just wondering when I was going to see you tonight,” she said.
“Well you got your wish.”
“I guess I did.”
“Hey, do you think I could talk to you about something for a minute?”
“Yeah sure, handsome.”
I grinned. Itâ€™s the little things she says that get me going.
“Meet me in the hallway then?” I asked.
“Okay, I’ll be there in a bit.”
“Take your time.”
The walk to the hallway was the longest walk of my life. All the things I wanted to say, everything I had planned, was clashing all together in my head. I reach the hallway and everything, still, is running wild in my head. Words are mixing together; the lines I had planned are now thoughts similar to dyslexic sentences. I felt overwhelmed. I wanted to back out of telling her how I felt, and I almost did. That is in till I remembered something.
I love this girl.
I really do.
I love her face, her voice, her personality, and everything else about her. And the memories, they calm me.
Now all of my thoughts, everything I had planned to say, fit together perfectly like a two piece puzzle. I felt confident in my words. And I was ready to tell her how I felt.
Then she made it to the hallway.
I became nervous again, but I believe it was a good nervous. It was an excited nervous. I was calm and excited at the same time. And as she walks up to me, I remember every little thing her and I did together.
The movie nights,
The late night conversations,
And even the dancing.
And then she approached me and asks,
“So whatâ€™s on your mind?”
“A lot, actually.”
“I’m not a dog, you know! Haha.”
“Could’ve fooled me! ”
That smile. Hmm.
“So what is it?”
“Okay? This must be serious.”
“Well… what is it?”
“I have something to get off my chest.”
“I… love you.”
“Oh my God! Is that it? Youâ€™re-thatâ€™s stupid, I love you too! You should already know that!”
I thought about backing out now. But I’ve gone too far now, and besides she’s a smart girl. If I back out now, she’ll eventually figure out the meaning behind all of this, so I continued to tell her how I felt.
“No, I mean like, I love you, love you.”
“Yeah. I know this isn’t the best time to say this but I felt like it
“Um… yeah, Uh- I, I’m glad you did. Stuff like that shouldn’t be bottled up.”
I know at this very moment that it was a bad idea to tell her so I did what any other man would try to do, I tried to fix the situation.
“Ah, dangit! I’m sorry that I even brought this up. Just forget I even said anything.”
Nice strategy. Telling her to forget that one of her best friends confessing his undying love for her, the night before her wedding. Smooth, like gravel.
“No, this is, I don’t know. I can’t, but I…” she said, stumbling over her words.
“Please, just forget this ever happened. I’m incredibly sorry for causing any confusing emotions.”
“I mean like, I…. love you too, but I…, I’m…”
“Itâ€™s okay. Don’t even worry about it. You’re getting married. You deserve to be happy.”
“But so do you.”
“Not everybody can be happy.”
Or never, which I chose. I don’t tell her a thing. She gets married with her husband and lives her happy life. And I’m “happy” not causing any emotional stress or any confusing thoughts. Thereâ€™s no long walk to the hallway, no nervous breakdowns, just a man living a life of excitement inducing memories and what-ifs. And with her and her husband and me with me memories and what-ifs, I can continue to live my life, lying, to myself to content saying,
“Things are better off this way.”