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My Not-So-Big Break

6 votes, average: 3.17 out of 56 votes, average: 3.17 out of 56 votes, average: 3.17 out of 56 votes, average: 3.17 out of 56 votes, average: 3.17 out of 5    3.17/5
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April 21st 2012  |  1  |  Category: Comedy , Fiction , Satire  |  Author: unstoppable  |  1226 views

All people who act want attention. And don’t let them tell you otherwise. My name is Holly, i’m 23 and i’m an actress, or actor if you like political correctness. I recently landed an audition for a supposedly major Hollywood movie called ’Guns and Lovers’; sounds like trash, I know, but we all have to start somewhere I suppose. Anyway, here’s the story of how it all went a bit pear shaped.

I moved to New York from a small town in England in search of a ‘big break.’ This is about to get very cliche but I was so strapped for cash and couldn’t afford a long term home, luckily, my agent of 4 years, Paul (who moved to New York with me) is a saint and let me stay at his rented apartment. Paul puts all his time and effort into me because, well…i’m his only actress (at the moment!) He’s 47, balding, and a failed actor himself, which isn’t very promising.

“This is it kidda!” He said staring out of the window at a non-existent view. “Your gonna be the next Liz Taylor, I f***ing know it!”

Oh, did I mention he swears every 10 seconds…

“Thanks for your enthusiasm, but I don’t even have any auditions lined up yet” I said, layed on my sofa bed eating M&Ms off my stomach

“Don’t worry love, I’ll get your f***ing auditions” he replied.

….That ‘conversation’ was 3 weeks before I got my first audition, the one for ‘Guns and Lovers’ I got sent a script and was given orders to rehearse the part of Amy ‘A gun slinging nun who packs a Godly punch.’ That was the actual description, I kid you not. Still, it was something. So a week later me and Paul caught a plane and headed out to Hollywood…

We got lost several times finding the place but we got there in the end. we rocked up, Paul looking like a character out of a film noir, with his hat and cigarette stained teeth and me looking like a sweaty possum. At first, I thought we were at the wrong place or VERY late as there were only about 5 other girls there auditioning, about 30 minuets later, my name got called.

“For f**ks sake, don’t f**k it up.” Paul whispered as I got up. He meant it aswell.

I followed the man into a small office where two people were sat at a desk scrawny bald man wearing a baseball cap and a larger more burly man who was wearing a shirt about four sizes too small for him. I smiled at both of them and the burly one said in a surprisingly high pitched voice:

“Ok, Holly, is it?”

“Yes.” I replied

“Ok Holly we would like you to read line 5 on page 107 please. When your ready.”

I rifled through my script. “Umm it’s-”

“Is there a problem, Holly?” The skinny one said. I resisted the urge to cry at this point

“No.”

“When you’re ready then.”

I took a breath and read the line

“Who’s there?”

“F**k you. F**k you.” I thought

“Thanks Holly” the big one said “We will be giving you a call if we are interested.”

“Thank you for this opportunity” I said in a dry, sarcastic tone  which they didn’t pick up on  and I left. As I was walking out the room, I spotted Paul through the glass doors having a cigarette.

Suddenly, the two blokes came chasing after me, I thought I was going to be mugged for a split second, I turned round and saw a camera man, they went on to say.

“You were the first of our audition-ees to have kept their cool when asked to rehearse a whole script and only be asked to say one line. And for that you have won a year’s supply of Hot Topic coupons.”

So that’s why those girls were storming out of that office, I thought it was just their way of walking in 10 inch heels like that.

“How do you feel?”

I stared at them both. “…. Oh f**k off. It was acting.”

I stormed out with a confused Paul, the two men and a camera man hot on my heels. And for the first time, I felt like a celebrity.

Lesson well learnt then. Stick to stage plays.

 

 

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One Response to My Not-So-Big Break

  1. uthaker says:

    I absolutely love your writing style and as I have said before you are unstoppable in your humour:)

    - Utpal

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