I always wanted to go back and relive all those wonderful memories and not remember the bad things only the good. I have nightmares about the bad. I remember only some of the good. I have a great life, well financially we struggle but doesn’t everyone now? Let me give you some back ground, I was raised by my grand parents, they’ve done a good job, it wasn’t all good or all bad. I saw my mom and step dad whenever I wanted. My Biological father was not in the picture until I was much older and married. I was a happy kid, unhappy teenager but a very happy adult. This is my story.
I was 5 years old when I first remember the best things, I lived with grandma and grandpa in a little town called Belington, we lived on a farm, there were cows and bulls in the field, there was a outhouse and old barn and a very long drive way down a steep hill, there was a very steep hill in front of the house and my brother and I would lay down and roll down that hill and do that for hours, it was so fun. I also had a lot of kidney infections, rocks all over that hill. We would sleigh ride down that hill and had the best time. We climbed trees, played in the barn and was trapped by bulls a lot.
The outhouse was our only bathroom and we thought it was fun to go outside and use the bathroom, well not in the winter, It was bitter cold and we always hurried to go back in. We found an old holding place for corn and it was not very wide or tall but we would climb inside that thing. We loved exploring on that farm. We had the best time, we would stay out way past dark and ride bikes and play. That was the best time in my life that I can remember so vividly.
I think the next memory I have was in Kindergarten and my Biological father came to see us, he was on a motorcycle and had come to tell us that our grandpa had passed away, I have very little memory of grandpa, he came to see us once in a RV but I don`t remember a lot just the RV and him being there. I remember dad saying he passed away and I remember dad leaving as we got on the bus and crying because I knew I would never see him again. I was almost right. I remember beach towels and $5 being there when we came home from school.
We moved a lot when I was little. I always thought how is Santa gonna find us if we keep moving? I don`t remember a lot from each place. I remember we lived in a house beside a bar and my brother whistling at a woman and she gave him a quarter, I remember crossing the alley and running to my friend’s house and getting in trouble. I remember my Miss Beasley doll and loving her. We had a tub in the basement that sat on 4 legs and I loved that tub. I hated getting dirty so I took a lot of baths. I remember running my brother into doors and laughing so hard I would cry. He`s 2 years younger than myself so he pretty much done what I ask him to.
I Remember my grandma Price and how I loved going there and I remember grandpa Price who shook all the time and he had a disease, I remember spending every weekend there and my cousin who lived there with my uncle so they could take care of grandma and grandpa, my cousin was my brother’s age so 2 years younger than myself. We had a lot fun, my uncle would make us laugh so hard, he was a father figure for me. He has passed away now but I still keep in touch with my cousin. I still think of her as my sister.
We moved to Nestorville when I was in the 6th grade, that is when my life took some horrible turns. I loved my school, I had great friends and still have those friends today. I had a hard time at home, crazy neighbors, not being trusted or believed and it was awful. I acted out, knew my grand parents didn`t want me with the boys around there and so I disobeyed them, for no other reason but to make them mad. I hated it there. There is one Christmas I can remember in that house, my grandma and my aunt wore long dresses and they had the same dress, our neighbor played Santa and we all had the best time. After a couple years of that we moved again, this time to the Union community.
I loved the union community, the people were like one big family, our church was in walking distance, I loved going to church and singing and visiting. I loved our house, my room, everything about it. Things were so good with my home life, my grand parents and I was back on track, things were good. We had fun. My cousin T would come over every Sunday and we would set on the porch and sing and take walks. It was awesome. My cousin L and my aunt and uncle came and we had the best time always, they were like sisters to me it was so fun. I had a good life.
Then high school started, I was a freshman, all my friends from junior high had other friends and boyfriends and we didn`t have classes together and I had to make new friends, I was shy, not pretty and wanted nothing to do with other friends. I wasted my whole freshman year because I was stubborn and not happy. The rest of the high school years were the same, I hated school and would never want to go back. I do have one good memory, this boy who is now my husband was a senior and I was a sophomore, my friend liked his friend and we would follow them in the hall and outside , never talking to them but I had the biggest crush on him, when he graduated I never seen him again until friends set us up on a blind date. We dated 3 months and then married. 30 years this past July.
Life at home was good and not so good, I was a spoiled brat but still thought I knew everything there was to know. Grandma was ready to knock me out sometimes but we spent a lot of time in the garden and cooking , we had good talks, good food. I still remember a lot of her recipes. Her and grandpa loved Christmas and loved having everyone home to celebrate. I loved it too, we spent most of the day before cooking and a week of candy making and laughing. The holidays were so wonderful.
I started dating my husband on April 11th and we married July 9th of the same year. We had a small church wedding, it stormed so hard that day, it was the best day. We went to mom and dads for cake and fun afterwards. Then to our new home. I remember our first Christmas tree was shrubs from mom and dads yard, it was not very tall but cute. We moved a lot for awhile. Then we moved to Brandywine WV and got jobs, my husband worked in a poultry plant for awhile and I was a cook, then I left the cooking job and went to work in the poultry plant with him. It was so hard to get use to it, so cold but made some really great friends.
We lived and worked there for 4 years, we had my oldest daughter while out there, she was a twin but I lost my son. I was 6 months pregnant when my son died and I carried him full term, that was so hard, I nearly went crazy. No reason why he passed. I felt lost and empty and angry. I still had my girl to keep me from loosing my mind. She was everything to me. She was healthy and happy when she was born.
She was 2 years old when we moved back to our place here in Philippi WV. I love living here. This is my home, my safe haven, every time we try to move we end up here so we aren`t moving again. I love my home.
In 1997 I had another beautiful baby girl, I am so blessed to have two beautiful daughters and a handsome grandson, he is my world. He makes me happy. He calls me nana.
We live in the country and on a dirt road, no neighbors and plenty of cats and dogs. I love my life.
The question Can we go back home? You can physically go back to the place you called home growing up. I use to do that all the time but now it makes me cry, my grand parents house looks so awful, the trees and bush over run the house. I went there the other day and it broke my heart. So will I go back home? NO. the house in Belington has been tore down and nothing left. So where would I go to go back home? My mind, my memories are all I have.
I have health issues that affect my mind so for how long do I have my memories who knows. I have pictures and I can talk about things but it`s not the same as the physical home.
My life today is much easier and happier, I have a lot of health issues, I have Fibromayalgia, Osteo arthritis, Rheumatoid arthritis, Socratic arthritis, bursitis, chronic fatigue, HBP, neck, shoulder pain and headaches. I use a cane and a walker. I have my husband who helps me and my youngest daughter who helps me when I need her. My oldest daughter who helps me when she can. I love my family.
I am an author and have several books on Amazon, I always have books I am working on. I love being able to get my stories out there. I am also a pen paler, I have had pen pals for 42 years, I love that and have made the best of friends.
We are animal lovers and have dogs and cats, we have wild life here and I love watching them as well. I love setting out in the yard and watching the birds and the trees blow in the wind and it calms me, gives me a sinse of peacefulness.
This is my story, let`s move on to another story, one that is not as simple as mine but more complicated, one that is difficult to relive and tell. One that will shake you and make you appropriate what you have and be thankful for what you don`t have. One that will make you cry. This is Daisy`s story about going home.
Daisy lives far from her home town, she doesn`t like talking about her childhood it was horrifying and not one she wants to relive. She has nightmares and can`t sleep most nights, she doesn`t write her thoughts and dreams down in a journal . She never wants to share them or let anyone know what she has been through, If she keeps it a secret it`ll go away right? Some day?
Daisy is 35 and not married and no kids, she made up a whole new life to tell people, her mom a home maker and her dad a Teacher, in reality, her mom was a Home maker and her dad was a truck driver, she is afraid of the mom she might be and doesn`t wanna be like her mom. So maybe we should start with her parents and childhood. Daisy was 6 years old when she saw her dad hit her mom the first time.
It was late, Daisy was in bed and it was 3 days before Christmas, she heard her mom scream, she peeked out the bedroom door and seen her mom laying on the floor in the hall way, her dad was standing in the door way of their bedroom. She went back in her room and hid under the blankets. She heard her dad leave and she went down stairs and seen her mom crying and she hugged her tight. Her mom slept with her when her dad was gone and read to her and Daisy loved that.
The next day daisy and her decorated for Christmas and she had fun. Christmas day came and her mom had a big dinner fixed and they waited all day to see if her dad was coming home, he never showed up, she could hear her mom crying all night and felt so bad for her. Then after a week her dad comes home and the fighting starts all over again. Then in 3 days he leaves again and things are fine. This goes on for years.
When Daisy was 10 years old she noticed her mom was drinking more and more and the sleepovers stopped and her mom mostly stayed in her room and cried. Her dad would be gone for weeks and weeks and then come home and they would not talk or even be in the same room together. Daisy thought even the fighting might be better then not talking. When Daisy turned 11 her dad came home for her birthday party and he stayed 2 days. He told Daisy he was offered a job in Florida and was gonna take it, he told her he would come back on weekends when he could. He ask her mom to move and she refused. That night he left.
Daisy ask her mom why she would let her dad leave and not go, her mom would say â€ś you don`t know things and I will tell you one dayâ€ť Daisy`s dad came home maybe 3 or 4 times in the next year, he stayed at a hotel when he did come back. Daisy was so confused and after awhile she thought of it as normal and then never thought of it at all.
Daisy`s 16th birthday was filled with her friends and even her mom managed to stay sober for 3 or 4 hours, then she went to her room the rest of the night. The party ended late and there were kids sleeping everywhere through the house. Her dad was gone for 2 years now, no phone calls and no Happy Birthdays, no card no anything.
She never even felt sad anymore she just didn`t care.
Daisy would try and get her out of the house or even out of her room and it never happened. She found divorce papers in the dinngroom buffet, 2 years old. She was not surprised at all. Her dad paid the house off and agreed to child support and alimony. So many things made sense he didn`t just divorce her mom he divorced her too.
Three days before Daisy turned 18 her mom was laying on the couch drunk and Daisy came home and ask her mom if she needed anything, her mom said â€śanother drinkâ€ť, Daisy said â€ś No I am not getting you another drink, all you do is drink, you stopped being my mom a long time ago, I raised myself while you raised your glass. I understand you had a bad marriage but mom you never had a life either, you gave up, you also walked out on meâ€ť her mom staggered to her feet slapped Daisy hard and knocked her down and Daisy stood up and said â€śwow mom you learned a lot from dadâ€ť and went upstairs and packed her bags and left.
She stayed with a friend and got a job and eventually had her own place, she struggled and struggled. She worked double shifts and put every penny into rent and food. She had no friends because she had no time. She finally lost her apartment and was homeless and lived in her car for a long time, months. She never missed work because she lived in the parking lot. She was so ashamed of that. Every penny she made she saved, she finally had enough to buy a small 1 bedroom tralior and found a lot to park on she just knew if she worked hard and ate cheap she could pay her lot rent and keep her car on the road and be ok.
After 3 years she was doing great, loved her job and was manager, loved her little house and her car was hanging on. She was dating a really nice guy and even tho she wasn`t really thinking about the future she was having fun. She was feeling good about life. She never looked back, not at her home life not at her homeless life she only wanted to move forward.
She was working the day shift and was so busy, she was helping the crew out front then went to the back and was helping them and it was like that all day, the night manager called off so she stayed, she was in the office doing paper work once everything calmed down. There was a knock on her door and her assistant opened the door and said â€śDaisy there is a lady here to see you and she says it`s importantâ€ť so Daisy walked outside and there stood a woman so frail and weak, Daisy`s heart skipped a beat. She walked over and said â€ś why are you here?â€ť the woman answered â€śI`m your mom I wanted to see you and talkâ€ť she just looked at her and remembered all that had happened and she told her â€śI can`t do this now, I’m at work, can we meet somewhere tomorrow?â€ť her mom agreed and left. Daisy was so mad and so upset at the same time. She sat at her desk and cried. â€śwhy now? What the heck? Leave me alone.â€ť she finished her shift, locked the doors and went home. She didn`t sleep and tossed and turned all night.
It was noon and she went to meet her mom at that park around the corner, she drove because she didn`t want her mom to know where she lived. She got to the park and her mom was there at the picnic table, â€ś well she actually showedâ€ť she said to herself as she got out of the car. She walked to the table and her mom stood and saidâ€ťThank you for comingâ€ť she went to hug Daisy and Daisy pulled away. They sat down and Daisy said â€śsay what you want to say I have a long drive and things to doâ€ť
her mom looked hurt but said â€śI am so sorry for everything, I want to try and be your mom again and start out talking things out and start with friends, I miss you, I love you, I have always loved you.â€ť Daisy said â€śok my turn, you call love checking out on me? Drinking my entire childhood, not being anything but a couch potato drunk, I raised myself, when dad left us you left us, you can`t think I would jump in your arms and cry, oh mommy oh mommy, I have a good life now, I struggled so hard and so long and I could not call my mom she was drunk on the couch. You hit me so hard I hit the floor, you never looked for me at all. What am I am suppose to think?â€ť her mom replied â€ś I did look for you that is how I found you, at first I was sick and could not process the whole thing, I got help, I’m sober and I’m sick, I don`t have a lot of time, I’m dying and I want to make things right with you, with us. â€ś this made Daisy angry and sad â€śyou have to wait till you are dying before you come find me? You couldn`t have gotten sober and been there for me but you slowly killed yourself and then said oh my I better find my daughter and make up so I can die happy, this is total crap and you know it, why are you here now? Please stop lying to me and be honest.â€ť â€śI deserve that, I was horrible to you, I was a horrible mom and a horrible person, i`m not now, I have worked hard and I know what I have done so please give me a chance, let me try.â€ť her mom begged her. Daisy had so much to think about and to be honest she didn`t know if she could ever forgive her mom. Daisy just sat in silence, her mom wrote her number down and said â€śI`m gonna go, call me so we can talk again, please give me a chanceâ€ť she laid her number down and walked away.
Daisy sat at the park for awhile just thinking and staring off at nothing. She finally got up and went home, she was off that day so she got into her pajamas and sat on the couch in silence, she had no one to call no one to vent to just her. She thought of her friend she lived with when her mom hit her that night and wondered where she was now, married, kids, they lost touch when she moved out. All she wanted to do was sleep.
She herd a scratch at the door, not a knock or a pound but a scratch. She went to the door and there was a cat , a yellow tabby. She got some tuna and fed it and wondered if someone was missing a cat. She would ask around but knew the cat would wonder of after it was fed. After the cat ate it jumped on the couch, laid beside her and Daisy said â€śoh you are a girl, what is your name baby? Where do you come from?â€ť the cat looked up and said meow. She laughed. Later she put the cat out and thought it would find it`s way home. She heard a scratch at the door it was the cat coming back. â€śwell I guess I have a cat now, I think your name is meme, yea I like it do you like meme?â€ť the cat meow again…
The next day Daisy went in to work and was telling everyone about meme, she was thrilled to have a roommate. Her assistant ask her about the lady that came in the other day â€śthings seemed tense, are you ok? Did it work out?â€ť Daisy was really relieved to have someone to talk to. She told her that when she was younger her mom and dad checked out on her and she has been on her own sense and now that she is dying from drinking she wants to make amends and Daisy told her she was not sure what to do. â€ś in my opinion and I don`t know what she did to you but if you don`t let her try to make things right you will be the one to feel quilty the rest of your life.â€ť Daisy knew she was right but did her mom deserve that? Did she get to die thinking everything is peachy?
She said â€śwell I will think about it but I just don`t knowâ€ť her asst. said â€śpray let God lead you and I promise you will make the right decision, â€ś then she went back to work. Daisy never prayed, would God even know her? Would he even hear her? She thought at this point I have nothing to loose and I will try.
She went home after her shift and sat in a hot tub and she began to talk â€śGod if you can hear me, if you haven`t left me I need your help, what do I do? she`s my mom but I am so angry with her, how do I forgive her? How do I forget? What do I do? Please help me, she hurt me, was never a mom to me after I got older. Do I call her? Do I throw her number away? Please help me.â€ť the cat looked at her like she was nuts but she laughed out loud, â€śoh meme you are the cutest cat ever.â€ť
she slept so much better that night and woke up in a fairly good mood. She had 5 hours before work. She ate breakfast and went for a walk meme followed her every step of the way.She felt really good after her walk. She went home and showered and had lunch and then got ready for work, she always went in early to have coffee before work. Her asst. came in and sat with her, â€śhow are you?â€ť she replied â€śi`m good, done a lot of thinking and i`m gonna call her, not sure how it will go but I am gonna callâ€ť and they chit chatted for awhile. After Daisy got off work she headed home and changed clothes and wanted to relax awhile. She poured a cup of coffee and picked up the phone and dialed her moms number, it rang 3 times then â€śHelloâ€ť Daisy stuttered a little â€śummm hi mom it`s me, how are?â€ť â€śI`m better nowâ€ť she told Daisy. â€śI am off work on Sunday would you like to come over for lunch?â€ť she sounded tired but so excited â€ś I would love to , give me your address.â€ť they chatted a minute then Daisy saidâ€ť ok you sound tired and I will let you go.â€ť so they said their good byes and that was that.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
I am 52 and live in west Virginia, married 30 years and have 2 adult daughters and a grandson. My books are something I do for me. I am a writer and I love it.