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Farewell Part2

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April 29th 2014  |  4  |  Category: Drama , Fiction , Other , Romantic Love  |  Author:  |  1759 views

Tohko felt that something, with which she was concern, began to happen recently.
She felt like that a man, whom she had written in her own novel, wanted to contact her.
“Is it also a complicated continuation of my dream?”, she told to herself.
However, she enjoyed that delusion.
“Because I am living in such a severe world, it is natural that I would become mad.
Yes! I am mad!
But I can live happily while being mad.”
She lived in these days while feeling that she talked with the character who was born in her delusion.
Then the thing, which the government and the mainstream media announced that it was the toxic smoke coming from the neighboring country in the Continent, was filling the atmosphere in front of her more and more.
She knew that it was mere spring haze.
It was not dangerous air, but was only a meteorological phenomena.
On the internet, there were informations saying that it was natural that such a haze happened in the early spring every year.
She had read them.
However, if the mainstream media said that it had come from the Continent, most of the people in this country completely believed it.
Most of the people believed that the news of the mainstream media was true, and the information of the internet was not true.
Because the mainstream media had made the people think so in order to protect their rights.
The mainstream media did not want the internet to deprive their initiative.
However, the internet was also a thing which the ruler side had given to the citizen.
So, Tohko did not know what she could believe.
Still, she thought that the news was a lie, which the establishment of this country made up, because they wanted to conceal a toxic substance released by the nuclear accident in this country.
Now, she felt like that the mainstream media existed for telling a lie.
Then, she felt like that the haze was flowing into her head.

Anyway, it should have been the story that she had created.
However, she felt doubtful whether it was true or not recently.
She might have known “that man” since long before?
There was such a doubt from before, but it became stronger and stronger.
The doubt became strong?
She supposed that the reality would always change.
It might be a part of the story before, but it might not be so now.
In the meantime, it was something caught as recognition.
If it was a memory, a dream, or a story, there were not any differences between them when she recognized them.
She asked to herself, “Can I distinguish them closely?”
She thought about such things and wanted to get the answer.
But she found a thing which was more troublesome.
It was called “Five minutes ago hypothesis of the world”.
No, it was not troublesome, but something nice?
“Five minutes ago hypothesis of the world” was the setting of a simple philosophical thought experiment which said that we certainly could not deny that the world had just started only 5 minutes before.
However, it became a mystery having a reality for her.
“We could not deny it. But if we were asked that it was not true, it was difficult to prove it, too.”
However, such a way of thinking rather released her.
If her important memories were not genuine and they were fabrication, the value of the memory might fall down.
Depending on how we looked at it, could we give memory fair value?
Even if it had really happened 10 years ago, or even if it was a memory planted to her when the world was established 5 minutes ago, her own subjectivity held it and recognized it. Which made her feel good and happy.
Therefore, the influence of other people was not given to her memory.
Even “that man”, who was another chief character of her memory, could not interfere with it.
If it was completely a closed thing in herself, it was very reliable for her.
“But, When I treat him in my consciousness, I recognize him as neither a delusion, a dream nor a story, but as a fact.
He must have existed!”
Now, she could think so.
Although their relations ended by his change of heart in those days, the memory itself never transform.
The memory of the days when she was happy!
Did the existence, which had implanted the memory in her five minutes ago, tamper with the memory?
Was is God?
Or an alien?
Or was it something which was existence transcending the human being?
And did they have authority to control the human being?
Didn’t the human being have even the right which they stored the memory without letting it change in quality?
However, she knew that even if she wanted to store her own memory faithfully, it was impossible.
The memory surely continued transforming, whether she wanted to or not.
The memory about him was already located at the field like a story for Tohko.
Therefore she was able to fully enjoy it in her own memory.
It was not accompanied by sadness and painfulness anymore.
She surely had the time when she remembered it while feeling sadness and painfulness.
It was too hard for her, so she should have lived while shutting those memories.
But now, she could already taste only a good part of the memory purely.
This was because she lived in such times.
The people, who could not have hope for the future, could not but depend on the past?
She wondered because she could not have hope in the future, “Am I an unhappy woman?”
However, she was becoming free from that question.
Someday, “that man” emerged from that corner unexpectedly?
She had dreamed such a happening.
If she would say that she did not wish that the dream would come true, it was a lie.
But she did not take it seriously. No, she was serious.
She only played with her own insanity which she wished such a thing seriously.
“I can become mad.
How wonderful I can still become mad for him!”
She could not stop herself saying so aloud.
Suddenly, she heard the roaring sound of the helicopter.
It made her want to hide herself somewhere.
However, it would watch and know everything from the sky, she felt.
Of course, she knew that her delusion, which she was watched from the sky, was ridiculous.
It must had been the delusions of persecution.
Although she had anti- establishment-like thought, she was not an important person whom the establishment had to watch by spending time, effort, and money.
She painfully felt that the period, when the mere ordinary people must be frightened by such a thing, had come.
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2.
Tohko thought that she could meet and talk with “that man” in a dream freely.
Therefore she became eager in making space in order to achieve the purpose recently.
Was it a delusion?
Or an imagination?
Or a dream?
She felt that such a distinction did not have the meaning anymore.
The dream would be worse than the reality?


Many people might think that the imaginary world was not more clear than something which had reality.
For example, here was a cell-phone.
It was all of the recognition of the cell-phone that only the aggregation of plastic and the metal part.
Without an idea how to use it for, the cell-phone was really just a small box.
If we would think so, we could understand that the concept, which was invisible and did not have the form, was never inferior to a material.
While she think like that, she came to gradually think that it was impossible to determine their superiority or inferiority between the reality and the dream.
And she was going to make a certain space existing only in her head.
She did not mind what thing it was, as long as it was recognized by her.
Only in her recognition, she could make such a thing.
Only the recognization made it be possible to exist.
In other words she felt that everything was free.
It was a very small hot-spring resort that she was making in order to meet “that man”.
At first, she was going to make the place where she had really gone with him.
For example, the small south island where they went together.
But it was difficult unexpectedly when a genuine memory was mixed.
Because there were the differences between the place where she forgot and the place where she remember very well in her genuine memory, it was difficult to rebuild it.
She told to herself, “Then I should build everything of my dream’s world up from the beginning. So I can give an even perspective on all of them.”
She moved from the capital in order to go away from those nuclear facilities as far as possible.
She lived in a certain city in Western area in this country.
But she never forgot the climate of her hometown facing the Sea of Japan, and missed it.
Therefore, the hot spring resort was set in the area facing the Sea of Japan.
But if it would be near the sea, she was afraid of Tsunami.
When the catastrophe happened, she lived in the capital, so she did not directly have a damage from the Tsunami.
The damage from the Tsunami was serious in more northern area than the capital.
It was the area where there were the nuclear facilities.
Still, she wanted to go away from the things concerned with the disaster as far as possible.
In fact, she chose the place where did not have the possibility to have the damage from Tsunami as much as possible, when she looked for the apartment in Western Japan.
She made the place for meeting“that man” set in the climate of the Sea of Japan.
Furthermore, she made it set in the place of the depths of the mountain.
The mountain was attended with a danger of the mountain.

For example, the landslides caused by the heavy rain.
But, because it was her imaginary world, she was not going to cause such a danger.
It was a matter that cannot be settled even if she would not cause Tsunami.
In the imaginative world, with which she concerned more often than with the reality world, she did not want to bring an unpleasant thing.
It was a reason that it was too unpleasant to accept to think about the risk even a little.
It was a hot-spring resort among the gentle mountains that was not steepness so.
The road spreading out from the city in plains became the mountain path before we noticed.
It was such a mountains of that level.
It was not too quiet, and was not an area far away from the nearest city so much.
However, it was separated from the city conclusively.
She was climbing the gentle way.
It was a bus that she always used in her dream.
Because she did not like driving a car in any case.
She arrived at the small hot-spring resort at the bottom of the road, bringing a towel, a change of clothes, and some bottles of cosmetic for taking the hot spring in her small Boston bag.
She was with her son.
Even though she came to the town to meet “that man”, she could not ignore her son.
Despite in the imaginary world, she could not release such binding without permission.
If the situation of the world would be free too much, it would not go well.
Her son, who was a primary school student, already wanted to take a men’s selection of a bathhouse at the hot-spring.
Unlike when he was a little child, he came to be shy about taking a ladies’ bath with his mother.
So she and her son promised to meet at a public room of the bath house 1 hour later after taking a bath.
Less than 10 modest hot-spring hotels snuggled up each other at the both sides of only 1 street there.
Rather than a town, it was something like village.
The street was the gentle uphill slope, and there was a small pond at the bottom of the street.
She made the space close there.
She felt that she should break the connection between her imaginary world and the deep forest beyond the pond.
Even if in imaginary world, the space opening too much was terrible for her.
It was a rustic place, but a young man, who succeeded to his parent’s hotel, rebuilt that hotel.
It became a new modernistic design hotel.
Then, one hotel after another rebuilt their building.
Not only that, the young man introduced the architect to the hot-spring resort, and the town put everything into the architect’s hands in order to renovate the town.
Although all of the town would be renovated, it was the tacit consent to unify hot-spring resorts in a Japanese-style taste.
The hot-spring resort did not spoil the traditional atmosphere.
However, it had the stylish atmosphere as if it was in Museum of Contemporary Art.
So the small hot-spring resort became the famous and popular place.
It had the Taisho era modernism-like nostalgia and the cuteness attracting girl’s mind.
Many urban young women expressly visited there, because they heard the good reputation of it.
She lived in the town at the foot of this hot-spring resort, and often visited the public bath to rest her tired body.
Her and her son Kotaro got off the bus.
It was dusk, so it was already dark around them.
All hot-spring hotels hung the lantern made of white Japanese papers at the door.
These orange warm lights lit up the street mildly.
Each name of the hotel was written on the lantern in Indian ink.
And the modern flower arrangements were usually put near these lanterns.
Which impressed that it was not a dead town.
The public bath was located at the bottom of the street.
It was the classic-style building and was also rebuilt recently.
Nostalgic stained glasses were fitted in many places of the building.
Around it was dotted with the streetlight such as an old-fashioned gaslight.
Her son ran up the slope towards there.
Because it was dead-end, she was reliable.
Her son would not miss his way in the mountain and forest.
In this small closed space, she was waiting.
“Someday, I would see “that man” here.”
She said to herself.

 

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4 Responses to Farewell Part2

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