Farewell Part11

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December 9th 2014  |  3  |  Category: Drama , Fiction , Romantic Love  |  Author:  |  1918 views

Tohko woke up.
She thought, “What a vivid feeling!”, but there was only a vivid feeling left alone on her mind after dreaming.
However, she noticed that she was still barely remaining at the border zone between the dream and the reality.
She tried to gather the memory of the vision and the story of the dream up in a hurry and to bring them in the real world.
But as soon as she started to be in a hurry, she forgot everything as if it vanished.
If she could bring even a piece of the memory from her dream to this real world, she might be able to remember it taking the hint of the full story of the dream.
However, there was nothing left in her memory.
It was Empty.
Tohko imagined that only the memory of the dream had something like a string, and there was a keeper of the dreamland grasping the string.
When she came back to the real world, only the memory of the dream might be pulled out by the keeper in a flash.
It had disappeared so vividly.
Though it should have been the world in which she had been until just several minutes ago, it had disappeared too quickly, she felt.
But she felt like remembering it in the core of her body.
“I cannot remind something like a device controlling my subjectivity.
Surely the memory of mine must be saved at the device properly.”, she told to herself.
“Or it is not impossible, but the device was controlled in order to forbid reminding me of my own memory?”, she supposed.
“Although, the device can always save everything about both real world and dream world with stupendous accuracy, it might be just the problem whether I can extract it or not.”
The same might be said of the memory of “That man”.
It was engraved into the device of Tohko’s memory exactly.
However, because the disorder might occur when she would try to call it, various things were uncertain for her recently.
Now, she was sure that “That man” would exist.
But a while ago, she recognized that it was only a delusion.
In other words, she did not believe that he would exist really.
She wondered what details of the dream she had had this morning.
She worked hard, and became dead tired physically every day.
Therefore, she slept deeply only for a short time recently.
In such her every day, it was the dream after a long absence.
She regretted that she could not remember the details of the dream.
When she lighted a lamp near the pillow and watched an alarm clock, it was still a little past 4:00 a.m.
It was the time when it was almost night.
Tohko noticed that it was Saturday today, and she did not need to make the lunch box for her son because his elementary school was holiday.
She was relieved.
After the nuclear bomb happened in this country, the ingredients for school lunch became very dangerous for Tohko.
Because the radioactive materials fell onto the ground of wide area in this country.
It was unbelievable for her to use contaminated ingredients for school meal.
But most of people in this country seemed not to be concerned with it.
They seemed to completely believe the government and the big mainstream media.
TV news and newspapers continued announcing that the foods were not contaminated, and safe to eat.
The people being concerned with the contamination like Tohko were the minority.
She made the lunch box for her son instead of the school lunch every weekday.
There seemed to be only 2 or 3 mothers making the lunch box besides Tohko in his school.
The teachers of the elementary school did not show displeasure even though Tohko made her son bring the lunch box, but they did not ask her why she did.
He had not been bullied by his classmates even though he ate the lunch box instead of the school lunch.
The trend to make fun of the people being worried about the radioactive contamination was never ending on the internet in this country.
However, there was the trend that people hesitated even to put “radioactivity” into words not in the internet but in the real world.
The things, which Tohko was doing, were ignored as if they were invisible.
Many people seemed to decide that they could not see the people like Tohko accepting the actualities.
It might be comfortable for them to ignore the reality.
In that way many people continued still living in the contaminated capital.
There was the data that the area, in where half population of this country were living, had been contaminated.
Tohko belonged the minor class believing such a data.
Many people ignored the existence of the data pointing out that there was the severe contamination in this country.
Or they insisted that such a date did not have the scientific evidence enough.
She put her hand on the cheeks of her son making the breathing of sleep, while feeling that he should have just entered the elementary school quite recently.
Recently, he participated in the basketball club team, and seemed to enjoy its activities every day.
He seemed to get stronger than the days when he had just entered the school.
Tohko felt that he was only a little child a while ago but he became a boy completely.
Then she left the bedroom quietly.
Tohko served herself a cup of coffee, brought it, and sat down in front of the PC.
Because they were living in a small apartment, it was onto the same table to perform: her son studied, she used the PC, and they ate the meal.
There was a table at the place where was faced with the window in their apartment.
Tohko and her son was sitting at the table side by side, and they ate the meal and were doing each what they wanted to do while they were facing the window.
She dared to buy a big thing for only the table though she chose only small things for other things in her new apartment.
When it had passed for approximately a half year since Tohko began to live here, she went for an old secondhand bazaar.
She found this stout wooden antique table there.

So, she stopped using a temporary low dining table which she bought at a mass merchandiser, and started using the big desk.
It was helpful for her that the seller had suggested her to carry the desk to her apartment for almost nothing.
After that many lives of Tohko and her son was going onto this table.
The table faced the window.
Because her apartment was built on the hill, the view from window was splendid.
The uphill slope to her apartment was hard to climb.
However, she wanted to live in the place as high as possible, because the impact of Tsunami was too bad for her when the big earthquake happened.
So she decided to live in this apartment on the hill.
She made her own imagination world of the hot-spring resort locate in the mountains, too.
Although there was not the conclusive evidence that this was the reality world truly, but even in the real world, or in the imagination world, it was scary for her to approach the sea.
She lived in the capital at that time, so she did not get any damages of the tsunami in actuality, but she was scary very much.
Then Tohko checked her blog and some SNS on which she usually wrote down something.
She wrote the reply for what she need to reply, and uploaded some short texts on the SNS.
Then, she intended to start writing the continuance of what she had continued writing recently.
It was the long sentence, which she was not particular about its genre, but it might be something like novel, and she was writing it while mixing the memory of the past time together with the present time, and she was also writing about the dream world and imagination world.
But she was going to drink what was left of coffee before starting to write, and held the cup.
In the room, piano music had continued playing from the old CD radio and cassette player connected with iPod.
She also bought the old player at the old secondhand bazaar.
Tohko brought herself to read the internet once again while she drank coffee, and accessed SNS having most users in the world.
Of course, she also use that SNS every day.
Suddenly, she noticed an unfamiliar photograph on the SNS.
The photograph was on the place where the administration station of the SNS recommended the users that it might be your acquaintance.
The photograph was a young woman whom Tohko did not know.
There was her name “Mitsuru. T” next the photo.
She had the same experience to be recommended an unfamiliar user before, but she was attracted by the photograph of the beautiful smile like a flower, and clicked it unintentionally.
Furthermore, when Tohko saw the photograph enlarged a little more, Tohko realized that the woman was really beautiful.
It was very positive laughter which was full of confidence.
Tohko felt like that Tohko had certainly laughed like the woman of the photograph before.
She realized that it was pitiful for her not to laugh in this way for a long time.
Tohko checked just in case the woman of the photograph seemed to be not connected with any Tohko’s friends in this SNS.
There seemed to be a system that the SNS would show you the recommended users without permission, if those users would have some common points or would be interested in you.
However, the administration of the SNS had not announced any explanation about the algorithm.
Thus, the users were not able to know the clear answer.
The posts such as the diaries by the woman seemed to be limited to open to the public and be shown for only users called “Friend”.
So, Tohko could not see her any posts on her wall of the SNS.
However, the photograph, which was used for the header of the top page, caught the eyes of Tohko.
It was just a photograph of scenery.
However, Tohko guessed that it might be taken in Shanghai.
Seemingly, it was like the totally European cityscape.
However, Tohko noticed that it was the building of Bund district in Shanghai.
She searched the image of Bund district on the internet, and compared with both of them.
As a result, she confirmed the photo of the header was certainly the thing of Shanghai.
Shanghai was very the city in where “That man” seemed to be living recently.
Tohko had already searched his name on the internet before.
She found that there was his name on the SNS.
However, she discovered that there were more than three people having the same name.
Therefore the user, which she guessed that this was “That man”, might be mistaken identity.
A photograph of scenery was used for the profile photograph, and the photograph of the face of “That man” was not used. In addition, most of the information was nonpublic, too.
Therefore Tohko was not able to conclude it to be “That man”.
But that user’s current place of residence was Shanghai, Tohko found.
Still Tohko could feel the sign that the photo was took by “That man”.
It was the simple shot that somebody, who took it, did not leave his personality on it as much as possible.
Still Tohko felt like that she was able to find him.
Even now, she still could easily understand what kind of photo “That man” took or used for the SNS.
Then the woman who used the photo of Shanghai for the header of the SNS was recommended to Tohko.
Was this accidental?
If this was not accidental, who was this woman?
Even if she thought no matter how much, she realized that it was useless.
Tohko was seized with the temptation to send a message to this woman, “Who are you?”

However, she curbed her desire somehow.

And she finished off her coffee.
It was already dawn before she knew.
Tohko noticed that the daytime was becoming long recently.
The season was going to be replaced.
For the present, she stopped looking on the internet, and booted up the word-processing software in order to write something novel again.


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3 Responses to Farewell Part11

  1. Pingback: 小説「Ferewell」目次ページ(日本語&英語バージョン) | Blog novel

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