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Farewell Part 9

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October 10th 2014  |  3  |  Category: Drama , Fiction , Romantic Love  |  Author:  |  1335 views

Tohko woke up.
Judging from a thick, heavy ray shining from the gap of the curtain like a Gobelin tapestry, she felt that this was not the thing of the morning, but the ripe sunlight of the afternoon.
Because of luxurious fatigue caused by deep, long sleeping, she did not yet bring herself to get up.
Only one thing, in which she was interested, in those days when she did not need to do anything.
If she checked the e-mail box, there might be an e-mail from “That man”!
She thought, “I will start my PC after tasting this secret expectation more exhaustively, and I will check the e-mail. And if it would arrive truly, I will be able to taste the pleasure again.”
She had time endlessly in those days.
In her life after she had come back to her hometown, she sometimes got the e-mail from “That man”.
At first, she met “That man” when she shared the link connected with his blog on her blog.
She and “That man” gradually wrote down the comments on each other’s blog.
At last, they came to exchange the e-mail directly in order to talk more personally.
At first, she did not know even his age.
He was a man writing in Japanese language.
But that person might not be a man. In other words, the person might only write pretending a man.
No, the person might not be even a human being.
Was he an artificial intelligence?
Or was he an alien?
She was only talking with such an uncertain existence through the internet, but she got absorbed by that relationship.
She sat up on her bed, and stretched herself in order to take the stiffness of her body.
Then, she stretched her hand to her laptop put on the side table and put it on her lap and opened it.
Because the light like the honey of the afternoon was too dazzling, she could not see the display well.
So she shut the curtain near the bed.
Because the curtain in opposite side of the room was opened, the room was not so dark.
There was one movie which was her favorite.
She used to watch it many times.
In that movie, the relationship on the internet became the real love, and when the e-mail arrived, the voice machine of the PC spoke, “You’ve got mail”.
Tohko opened the mailbox while recalling that sound.
Such a romantic comedy movie of happy ending without a harm was her favorite.
If such a thing happened in her real life, she thought that it was wonderful.
Therefore when she lived in Tokyo, she had a close relationship with the people whom she met on the internet.
When she took Tokyo’s complicated subway or JR line, or when she was walking at the city in Tokyo, she often imagined, “Just now, I might pass somebody whom I have met on the internet?”
She often participated in the off-line meeting in Tokyo.
It had been pleasure for her to really meet the people whom she usually used their user names for only on the internet.
Which became her essential thing of her life gradually.
However, she had not had the occasion that the relationship between her and the people whom she knew on the internet became a romance really when she lived in Tokyo.
In her long life in Tokyo including her school days, her boyfriends were changed some times.
However, none of her boyfriends met her on the internet.
When she was fired from her job, she did not have any boyfriends.
Which might be a factor that she made up her mind to go back to her hometown without hesitation.
If she had a boyfriend in Tokyo at that time, because she did not want to be separated from him she might have looked for the job again in Tokyo.
Or she might have married in Tokyo.
After having gone back to her hometown, because she lived at county-side, and shut herself away without meeting anyone, she did not have the chance to meet somebody with romance at all.
She had been familiar with the internet, so it was a fact that she thought that it was good to look for her boyfriend by using the internet.
Even so, she was not completely in love with “That man” when she came to exchange e-mails.
It was still a mystery stage in those days.
She had not yet met him.
She did not know what kind of identity he was, and what kind of figure he was.
Still she already had the expectation: “It is wonderful if I would be in love with him.”
But, it was a faint pleasure.
She would not be disappointed even if it would not come true. She was writing about her memories.

Then, she had taken refuge from Tokyo to western Japan after those series of terrible nuclear catastrophe.
She was working at the patisserie in the shopping street.
She usually wrote something by using a word-processing software in this way until her son would come home from the school if she had a holiday on weekdays like today.
She accessed the internet, wrote some kind of sentences in her blog or various SNS, and continued living as before.

When she was working at the patisserie, as soon as she would be free for a while, she began to imagine the story.
When there were not any customers at the patisserie, she was often obsessed by such an imagination while doing the work for filling the wrapping bag with sable, chocolate, or candy.

Even while there were customers in the shop, if she got a little spare moments from her work, she was sometimes dominated by such an imagination.
She described the things, which she collected in her head while she was working, on the PC when she had no work.

There was only a small dining room and a small bedroom in her apartment which she rented for her son and herself.

It was a very small apartment.


When she was in Tokyo, she was living at the big apartment which her husband had purchased.
But now, she liked this small apartment so much.
“It is like a hideaway!”, she thought.
It was small, and discreet.
The place such as a quiet cave.
She remembered that she thought, “If I would live alone again someday, I am going to hang the dark-blue-colored curtain in my room.”, when she was fired from the job and she left Tokyo.
When she was a single woman living in Tokyo, she hung the cream-colored curtain in her room.
She had wanted to buy the dark-blue-colored curtain since a long time ago.
However, while she intended to change the curtain someday, she ended up going back to her hometown.
After having started to live in her parent’s house, she did not change the curtain like a Gobelin tapestry in her room.
And all the curtain of the apartment, where she was living while she was marrying, was coordinated in ivory white color.
Because she decided it in consultation with her husband at that time, she should have been satisfied.
However, she could not help thinking why she did not insist to choose her favorite color when she was surrounded by her favorite-colored curtain.
Because it was the apartment which her husband purchased, she might hesitate to interfere in him.
Rather than, she felt like that she stopped thinking about everything by her own will.
Although she thought that her husband was liberal in his view, and he always respected her personality, she chose the way not thinking by herself but leaving everything to him.
When she moved to western Japan, and decided this little apartment, she went to buy the curtain for it at first.
Rather than she had specific hope to buy, she had no choice but to buy the thing to be able to buy on poor budget.
But, she suddenly recalled herself of the time when she would like to hang the dark-blue-colored curtain at the sales floor.
Although she could not but choose it at the discount chain store, when she found a fine dark-blue-colored curtain in her budget, she felt exciting hoping her new life.
Until she began to live in this town, she looked as if she was about to be crushed by various uneasiness.
But she thought that it was very fun to be able to choose the curtain which she liked from now on.

She determined, “I will hang this nice dark-blue-colored curtain in my room, and I will make my room comfortable to live in this city. If another nuclear facilities, which are located in western Japan where I am living now, would explode someday, I might throw everything and take refuge from here again. I will cross that bridge when I get to it. But, even though living in this city is temporary, I would like to make my room comfortable better as much as possible.”

She got the work immediately at the shopping street near her new apartment, and her new life started timidly.

But, she could not bring herself to do the job as an editor which was her ex-job.
She lived in a local city, but there were also both some publishing companies and some editing studios there.

Tohko’s career should also have been helpful for the job at the advertising agency or the print company.

But because the state of affairs of the mainstream media in this country after the catastrophe gave her a terrible shock, she did not feel like working at such a business world.
She sometimes saw the magazine, which she had ever edited in Tokyo, at the bookstore and took it in her hand because of too much nostalgia.

Finally, Tokyo city, where should have been contaminated by radiation, was getting to be full of suspicious-looking prosperity in overripeness.

All of the world seemed to be experiencing an unprecedented Japanese food boom.
The Japanese food ingredients, which should have be contaminated, were exported to all over the world steadily.

Just after that accident, the number of the tourists visiting Japan from abroad decreased.
However, recently it was said that it recovered, and exceeded the highest past number.
Day after day, Tohko saw the news that new shopping malls successively opened at the capital. Those news told her that there were many gorgeous shops which were introduced to Japan for the first time at the shopping mall. She was wondering why many first-rank shops was going to be expanded to Tokyo having severe contamination. But still, gourmet, fashion and subculture were forming a harmonious more and more at the world city Tokyo.

She felt as if all the world pretended that any contamination had never been caused in this country.

The world was going to such a situation.
Tohko realized that the world was such a place.
She was writing about the world, which was such a place, on the internet today again.
She sometimes felt, “‘That man’ might read this.”
Or she sometimes felt, “‘That man’ might forget me long ago and might not remember me. I don’t mind whichever it is.”
Tohko closed the PC and rose from her chair in order to cook curry and rice for her son who would come home soon.
She said, “I will make the salad with addition, and, I feel that my son becomes like somebody recently. But who it is?”
When she stared at her son’s face, she felt like that she saw the image of “That man” on his face.
Which disgusted her.
“It is never true.”, she said, and took one potato in her hand at her small kitchen.
But she re-thought, “Still, it might be possible?”
Because the reality was not only one for her anymore, it might be possible really.

 

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3 Responses to Farewell Part 9

  1. Pingback: 小説「Ferewell」目次ページ(日本語&英語バージョン) | Blog novel

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