Farewell 33

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May 18th 2017  |  0  |  Category: Adventure , Drama , Fiction , Romantic Love  |  Author:  |  664 views

On a mild winter evening, Akihiko was lost in thought as if his mind was elsewhere, standing by a window of a hotel. He looked like he was gazing through the window into the outside, but didn’t see anything actually. There should have been the lingering sunlight in the western sky that could be seen from the window. But now, it had completely gotten dark outside.
Meanwhile, there was a lively street below the window. It was one of the main streets in a big city belonging to a European nation at where Akihiko was staying now.
Being assigned a new project, Akihiko left an apartment in Shanghai, which he had not gone so far as to get used to living in.
He had to stay at this hotel on business for the time being and noticed that he didn’t long for the apartment in Shanghai very much any longer. Of course, he sometimes missed the time that he had spent with Takanobu, Mitsuru, and Yumiko at Shanghai. It had used to have Akihiko feel relieved while he was working there. But he was wondering what place he had lived ever would have him want to go back there.
Were there any rooms which Akihiko had ever lived in and had felt nostalgia with strongly? Such his thought was meandering like the mist drifting in the twilight, which was complicatedly reflecting various lights of a big city in the dusk. As he had started going on a business trip, he could not eat any meals cooked by himself or by somebody who was close to him. He had to have supper alone this evening, too. “It’s stressful for me to stay at cities that I cannot enjoy eating out.” Akihiko said to himself and started to search some places to eat by a tablet computer of him. He had found some restaurants that sounded good but didn’t stop doing online search. “I’m not very hungry,” Akihiko whispered, roaming around the Internet continuously.
Then he almost unconsciously started to browse what “That woman” had written online as he always did. “That woman,” — she was an ex-girlfriend of Akihiko, and her name was Tohko. She often had mental ups and downs outstandingly when Akihiko was dating with her more than 10 years ago. Even now, when what she’d written became unstable, Akihiko could know that she had gotten into a state of depression by only reading what she’d uploaded on her blog or some social media without talking with her actually. She seemed to sometimes feel blue even now. But the range of fluctuation in her mental state was not so wide compared to her old days. Akihiko remembered that it had used to move violently. “It’s no exaggeration to say that she is always too peaceful now,” Akihiko was wondering, “That is because most of the women who’ve become a mother tend to be like that? Or are there any other reasons? I don’t know, but I can only say that she seems calm almost every day now.” Still, she was a little nervous right now, Akihiko felt while browsing her blog. He gradually noticed that she usually felt melancholy the most severely whenever she uploaded something written by taking a form of a letter addressed to a certain person. “That is to say, she is trying to say something to the person who is set as a destination in the letter,” Akihiko told himself. “On top of that, I can understand that the person to whom she addresses in those letters is none other than me. Can I know such a thing truly? Duh! Since I was going out with her in her most tempestuous period, now I cannot know what she is doing and feeling for nothing,” Akihiko thought, smiling faintly as if remembering their sweet memories. Also today, in her blog, there was a letter written in an ambiguous way that readers would not be able to know whether it was a reality or a story. “That woman” was always writing in such a way. And Akihiko had been reading what she’d uploaded online. Almost always, almost everything. And she added, “Of course, there is very little possibility that ‘That man’ is really reading what I’m writing online still now,” around the end of her latest uploads several times recently. But usually, whatever she was writing online, she seemed to realize Akihiko was really reading her works still now. But it was only when she was in good mood and had confidence in herself.
Suddenly, she stopped thinking like that anymore. Her own self-confidence disappeared without a trace. In such a time, she seemed to be seriously thinking that Akihiko had never read anything she had written. On the contrary, Tohko seemed to imagine that Akihiko had completely forgotten her presence and never recalled it any longer.
She was the type to be sometimes presumptuous, having too much self-confidence. Which made Akihiko even feel that he could not get along with her in some cases in those days.
But now, even though Akihiko knew Tohko was in bad mood he had a calm mind without losing his sense. That might be because he didn’t need to react to her every behavior nowadays.

Now, Akihiko was given such a situation and a little felt a longing for even her instability. “Hey, how can that be true that I don’t read what you’ve written online even though we don’t have any relationship in appearance now?”
Akihiko said aloud in spite of himself.
The squawk of car horns and the noise that was peculiar to big cities were incessantly coming from the outside of the window.
The district around this hotel was famous for its brilliant illuminations decorating the street trees. There were many tourists coming to see that illuminations. Therefore, the condition around here would remain like that until late at night. As this hotel was booked and paid for by his employer and was classed as luxury ones sufficiently, he felt that he was not in a position to complain about it. Still, he would have always liked to stay at hotels located in a more tranquil area. “Indeed, there’s no way that I don’t read what you’ve written, to say nothing of what written for me,” Akihiko would have liked to say to her who was in such an unstable mood. “Is it possible that anybody doesn’t read what has been written about themselves for such a long time? I know you’ve written about me for these 10 years. That’s why it isn’t possible for me. I cannot help but read what you are always writing for me.” Akihiko thought, “Just think of it. You know, we weren’t complete strangers. In those days, we were in a long-distance relationship. Of course, we didn’t give a name to our relationship and I don’t know how I should refer to it still now. We were always separated by distance but we tried to meet as much as possible and always communicated each other when not being able to meet actually. I remember I was often thinking about you even while I wasn’t talking with you. In fact, no matter how busy I was, I could not help thinking about you so far as to irritate myself as I told you a long time ago.
I’ve shared such a time with you; nevertheless, do you believe I can ignore what you’ve written? I will at least read your writing. I must have told in the last mail to you, ‘I am going to read your works from now on even though we will end up never corresponding each other.’ Now, to read is the only thing I can do for you, but I’m certainly reading even after you’ve gotten married and you’ve had a child. So, it’s natural that I’m going to read your works anytime no matter what situation I am living in.
Now, I don’t know what there was between us in those days.
We were in the situation we could not develop our own relationship anymore at that time. I was still young and was so busy. I had to do what I should have done even though I said good-bye to you. Now, I cannot deal with such our past time any longer, but I can read what you are writing. I’ll read. Trust me.
Such a relationship I suppose we are sharing now might not have any names. I don’t know whether there are any precedents like our present relationship in this world or not. But I’m sure we still have such a stable relationship even now. Of course, it is not the same as what we had once.
But we are certainly sharing it, aren’t we? Such a thing didn’t exist once. We have been creating it newly little by little without intent. Take my word for it. I’m going to read what you’ve written online forever.
So I would like you to write what you want forever.
You were the type to be sometimes bizarre and eccentric. I cannot help but say that when I suffered from the trouble caused by your personality, I was sometimes fed up with it.
But how can I say…, I sometimes respect you for what you’re writing.
You’re always writing something you want to write. But each reader can enjoy your work, dipping general things out of your stories like your personal experiences you’ve expressed.
Would you like to be a best-selling author? Or would you like to be famous?
No, you would not like to be such things, I think.
‘I’m writing just because I cannot help writing,’ you said to me once, I remember. I suppose it is right. You’re always doing it as if breathing.”
Then, Akihiko felt hungry, stopped browsing the tablet computer, and connected it to a recharger.
Akihiko could not get in touch with Takanobu and Mitsuru due to his new mission during this business trip. In addition, he didn’t know when he would go back to Shanghai. He went out from the room, muttering jokingly, “The world I am living in now is like a hard-boiled story.”


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