Farewell 20

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August 7th 2015  |  2  |  Category: Drama , Fiction , Romantic Love  |  Author:  |  1756 views

On a cold, but very beautiful fine winter day Tohko visited the hot spring resort that she habitually used.

Of course, this hot spring resort should have been the world of dream or fantasy that Tohko had invented, but she also thought that there was a possibility that very this world would be a true reality.

Nobody knew it, and proved it, too.
So, there was a possibility that what Tohko’s subject had recognized might not be correct.
“Still, as long as we had no choice but to recognize the world by our own subjects, whatever the truth might be, I had no choice but to write about what I could recognize.” Tolko thought.
“Even if I would write something as if creating a fictional world, my imagination was created by my own subject. My own subject recognizes both the reality and the fantasy world. So, can we distinguish the difference between the real things and the imaginary things?
The more I would make an effort to make sure of the difference of them, the more I would be getting to find it must be impossible to do.
But, it would be better for me to continue writing rather than being stricken by it.
I will continue to write calmly from now on too. I don’t need anything to be afraid even though it would not be true or not be real.”
Tohko still remembered the time when the world had not been confused very much, but such a time had already become so far now.
Tohko thought while soaking in a bath of the hot spring.
She wondered which of these two possibilities would be closer?; she objectively observed herself, thinking in her own imaginary world, or she devoted herself to her imaginary world because she almost synchronized with the world too much.
“I don’t know it, but it’s very interested for me.”
“I” must have been Tohko.
She wrote what she thought, touching the key board of the PC.

Now, she was at the hot spring resort, and was writing about it at the room of her apartment simultaneously.

It wasn’t impossible for Tohko that two worlds would exist at the same time, and that she herself was at both of there, too.

She went to this public bath, which was located at the dead end of the hot spring resort village, once or 2 times a week.
Also in this world, Tohko worked at a cake shop that was located at the root of the mountain that there was this hot spring resort.
It made no difference that Tohko would set up the situation of this world that she had a different job completely from her real world.
She judged that her job could not be an important factor, so she could choose any jobs. Anything would be OK for the situation of her imaginary world.
After all, she chose the same job as her real world, and she was also a mother caring for a son of her, who was a student of an elementary school in this imaginary world.
Today, the public bath was unusually very crowded.
The women of this region were wearing a towel on their heads as a turban, in unique, skillful way.
Tohko had never seen that every woman was wearing towel on their head in the same way completely until she had visited this public bath.
Even though when she lived in Tokyo, in her hometown, and the city that she was actually living now, not only at any hot spring resorts but also at any public baths that were facilities of beauty salon or athletic club, there were not such women whose way of wearing towel looked exactly like someone else’s.
They sterically wound their towel up upward as if it became long, and snugly folded it at the top.
Those women always kept wearing towel in the same way except for the time they were shampooing.
The people who had moved to here from another place, or the people coming here for sightseeing were easily found out, because they didn’t wear towel in the same way.
Tohko felt that the way of winding towel up around here would have an atmosphere of women working in a nightclub.
That way of wearing towel was a bit old-fashioned, and the women in the bathhouse were naked, so Tohko felt if those women would open their mouths, their teeth might be painted black. (There was an old custom called Ohaguro: most of the married women painted their teeth black in Japan approximately 500 years ago.)
Even though it was very Tohko to have set the situation that the whole village was renovated with a concept to have a nostalgic atmosphere, she couldn’t believe that her own imagination had let all women’s mood same.

Tohko sometimes felt that a gene that was common in a certain region had created the faces of the people there when she was travelling.
Thus, at one place, people were often similar with their neighbor, Tohko felt.
The skin of the women living around this hot spring resort was dark, their texture of skin was rough, and their features might not be so good, still they were sexually attractive curiously.
However their sexual appeal was not willowy, but was a kind of harsher thing.
Most of the women that Tohko met here were past middle age, still Tohko was always overwhelmed by their powerful sexual appeal.
When Tohko was a young girl, she was known as a good-looking girl, and after having grown up, her features remained unchanged. So, she was often treated as a person who was mentally inexperienced in life.
She supposed it had been caused by her own infantile looks, and she was irritated at it.
But after the catastrophe, she’d experienced difficulties, and hadn’t been treated as such a childish woman.
However, whenever she visited this hot spring resort, she recognized herself to be unreliable, and would like to humble herself.
When she was treated as an insignificant girl who had experienced little of life, and she accepted it, she thought herself to be a flippant woman certainly. But she was afraid that it would be irremediable forever that she had lost such a situation.
Tohko noticed that all ex-boyfriends of her knew only unreliable Tohko.
It was stupid to pretend not to be able to do anything by herself, and to pretend to be weak and delicate, she felt.
But it was also convenience to do, so there might be many women acting their part as untrue themselves.
“Well, when will I show true myself, and whom do I intend to show it? I am going to show somebody true myself? I have never shown it anybody? I’ve thought that I’m not a woman who tend to depend too much on men. But, it is true? Now, everything is doubtful for me. I’ve thought myself to be truly strong originally, but does such myself truly exist?” Tohko told herself.
Now, it wasn’t true that she had become strong, but only true that she didn’t have any partners she could depend on.
And she noticed again that because she’d gotten older, and had lost her own good looks, which could be a cause that she was looked down, so nobody was concerned with her now. She was living in the place where nobody knew her, and was a middle-aged woman doing only her part time job every day.
She could usually believe that she had many companies with whom she talked online, and she wasn’t the existence that was forgotten completely from the world.
But, she sometimes recalled herself to be only a middle-aged, lonely single-mother managing to scrape a living.
Although it was natural for Tohko to take refuge from the metropolitan area in order to avoid radiation exposure, it wasn’t the same for most of the people in this country.
Therefore, many people around her might have recognized that Tohko was a miserable woman who had been deserted by her ex-husband, and she had moved here because she had not been able to belong to Tokyo anymore. And nobody was interested in her anymore.
The fact that Tohko might have been recognized as a poor single-mother was in common between her real world and this imaginary world.
She remained soaking in the hot spring bath, looking at those local women, who also soaked in there and washed their own bodies.
Though she could keep soaking more than an hour in this bath whose temperature was only this degree, it was already near the time she had promised her son.
Winter was coming, and the heavy twilight was about to fall down onto this hot spring resort, Tohko was also looking at the blackish-orange sun.
The ground around here would be covered with snow completely soon.
Still, the periodical bus transportation service of this resort village would remain capable. Because this hot spring resort was a heavy snow area, there was the preparation for snow enough.
Suddenly, Tohko recalled her son, who might be drinking soda pop at the lounge after having taken a bath. So she felt like that she’d returned to reality, but she was confused, wondering what kind of thing reality would be.
“When is the true reality?
Where is the true world?”
Tohko asked herself, but she would never know them.


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2 Responses to Farewell 20

  1. Pingback: 小説「Ferewell」目次ページ(日本語&英語バージョン) | 4:AM MAGAGINE

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