by Dalip Singh Wasan (Advocate)
Pawan remained my class fellow for about four years. He was the only boy towards whom I had been attracted. We were often found together in canteen, in library and even in the bus in which we used to travel to school and then college. I never took him as my boy friend and he too never took me as his girl friend. I knew that ultimately, I shall not be in a position to have marriage with this boy because of religion, caste, economic group, social and traditional groups. When I talked of marriage, I made clear that my parents shall be looking fir a boy of my religion, my caste and they shall also be taking into consideration other conditions which this society prescribes.
When we both were in service, these relations, which we had developed during our study period continued and we had been meeting off and on. When my parents started finding a suitable match for me, I also started thinking on the matter. I started calculating about the boy who should be my husband. The qualifications, the body building, the beauty, the health, the qualifications, the training, the status and all others. I came to the conclusion that the boy should not be less than Pawan. Pawan became the target in my mind and as far as I was concerned, I started loving this boy. I started feeling that this boy had been my boy friend throughout. We had the occasions when we took ourselves in arms of each other. We also used to kiss each other. We looked at each other with love and affection. I had got no definition of love with me. Once I had put this question to Pawan and his simple reply was, ‚Äú Dear, love has not been defined fully as yet. Love is a spirit which takes its birth in two hearts at the same time and once such a love takes its birth in two hearts, they become one and they need no words to express this love. Both the parties could understand that they love each other and once such a love takes its birth, it never dies.‚ÄĚ Pawan had spoken too much, but still he was of the view that love cannot be defined. I had started applying this theory in our own case and I had come to the conclusion that I was in love with Pawan and that had been the reason, we are so close to each other. I never objected when he took me in his arms and kissed me. I enjoyed all his actions.
As far as our marriage was concerned, we both knew that we would not be able to get married ever. Here in India, the concept of boy friend and girl friend is still developing, but still these are just private affairs and when our parents try to find out a suitable matches for their children, they keep in mind the traditional aspect and they never ask their children about their boy friend or girl friend.
My connections with Pawan were not secret, even my parents had the knowledge and that was the reason, they advised me to stay away from Pawan. I told them, ‚Äú Please go on and find out a suitable match for me as per your own choice. I have relations with Pawan, but till date, we have never indulged in actions which are prohibited by the society.” I was of the view that whatever we had been doing till date, all are actions which can come within the framework of love and these actions are not coming within the scope of ‚Äė sex‚Äô.
My parents were arranging pre-marriage meetings with boys, but at all stages, I compared the boys with Pawan and none could match him. I could not express my willingness and I knew that my parents will come to the conclusion that Pawan is the only person in my mind.
Since my parents were not in a position to break the social barriers, they found out a boy and I was married. Pawan did not participate in my marriage because when he learnt about the engagement, he had left me saying, ‚Äú Now you are not mine, but now you are wife of another man and it would be better if we stay away from each other. Your husband will not like that you have relations with another boy. Please stay away from me and live your own life.” But I wanted to continue my relations with Pawan even after marriage.
After my marriage, I wrote a letter to Pawan and I addressed him as ‚Äú My Dear Brother‚ÄĚ. He received my letter and once I met him, he showed me that letter. I simply replied, ‚Äú We had been together for years and it is on record that we never crossed limits. We never had sex and that means, we can become brother and sister. My husband will also not object and you can come to me and meet me as my brother.‚ÄĚ
But in spite of all my such declarations and suggestions, Pawant never came to meet me and often he said, ‚Äú I am still confused. I do not know whether we had crossed limits or such actions are considered okay between a brother and a sister.‚ÄĚ I told him multiple times that we can be brother and sister, but he never accepted this version. I open this question to the readers now that is it okay for us to have the relation of a brother and a sister after all that we experienced together?